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April 30, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Very good story. PLease try to post upadtes faster
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April 30, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I like the fact that you're taking your time getting to the more sexual parts instead of rushing them right to it. It's a refreshing change of pace.
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April 30, 2013 at 12:00 AM
lolwhat?
Did you really just say that falling from 3 feet is a life-threatening injury? Surely a typo?
And they're eleven, you should probably start writing them as eleven year olds, not late teens. How can Daphne be an 'Ice Princess' at her age?
The whole story would read much better if you had kids start school at sixteen, but seeing as you haven't, you should probably suss out how much we're supposed to suspend disbelief while reading, it's getting a tad bit ridiculous.
Did you really just say that falling from 3 feet is a life-threatening injury? Surely a typo?
And they're eleven, you should probably start writing them as eleven year olds, not late teens. How can Daphne be an 'Ice Princess' at her age?
The whole story would read much better if you had kids start school at sixteen, but seeing as you haven't, you should probably suss out how much we're supposed to suspend disbelief while reading, it's getting a tad bit ridiculous.
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April 30, 2013 at 12:00 AM
now as i see hogwarts ron costing his house 150 points would be a very likely reason for people who care about house points to teach ron a lesson as in a very painful lesson. now of course ron being ron would blame harry for the fact he got cursed 5 times a day every day for a month but it would still end up getting the message threw ron's thick skull not to do ANYTHING to lose house points again and if you do then made sure not to get caught. an none of the weasley brothers will stick up for ron since percy is likely the ring leader of the prank group and the twins are no stupid enough to start an inter-house war over the event.
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April 30, 2013 at 12:00 AM
i think u r doing an excellent job and i didnt mean that the slow pace was a bad thing i actually enjoy stories at this pace. keep up the good work and if u can post updates more often if not its cool i just love reading it so much i want to read more and more
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April 30, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Honestly Artemis little things, tiny things. Like instead of Hogwart Hogwarts. Other then that yet another great chapter, and don't listen to those asking you to pick up the pace I think your pace is just fine. I'm enjoying the story as it unfolds. Again thanks for sharing your ideas!
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April 26, 2013 at 12:00 AM
great start if a bit slow for this site but i still cant wait for the next chapter and maybe continue the story through year 2 and introduce luna i think she would be able to fit quite nicely
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April 19, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I love it so far I am looking forward to you to keep writing it
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April 19, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Too slow paced. Not perverted enough.
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April 18, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Great chapter!
Continue,
Z.
Continue,
Z.