rate_review Reviews

i really liked the chapter. i am interested in getting your other readers feedback on harry thinking of hermione's pussy as a snatch. i didnt say anything when i was betaing it but i think his use of that term was a little OOC, i think it more likely that he would use the term 'pussy' or 'vagina' instead of words like 'snatch' and 'cunt', but i want feedback from ur other readers, did they like the use of that term or did they also think it was a little to OOC for harry, or did they not care either way and it was the mental image they liked.
i am looking forward to the next chapter and i hope they end up having a conversation and possible exploration because hermione notices something is off about how harry is acting around her the next day and pulls from him that he saw her pussy and they discuss his embarrassment and that could lead to the exploration. i dont know if that is where you were planning to take this or not but if you wanted to go that direction, i for one wouldnt be upset about that.

Haha... Harry's first boner coming soon? ;)

I think you should try Archive of Our Own too. It's a fun site which prizes FREEDOM of Expression, and it is MUCH easier to use than this one. Better than fanfiction.net even.

I really like the direction this is going and I'd like to volunteer to be ur beta if u still need one. I don't have too much in RL going on and ur chapter length isn't very long right now so it shouldn't be a problem for me to do so when ever u can update.

Also I can see now wat u mean about chaser being the best position for harry and I thought Hermione was in there longer because u said harry had eaten half his dinner already but I guess if he is a fast eater then it wouldn't take too long. I am really looking forward to the cat scene from CoS if ur going to do that scene but no rush I know that's like 15 chapters or so from now

Great chapter, I get that your trying to go close the canon as you can for the little things to make it more believable, but this bit always annoyed me in every single fanfic and the canon that it is used in. WHY do they take the dragon through the castle? Just get Charlie & Co. to pick up Norbert from Hagrid's Hut. So much easier, and nobody has do anything against school rules, Charlie & Co. are doing illegal things by smuggling a dragon out of the country but still, no school rules and that's the important bit.

Fantastic work, and I'm just goiong to keep saying this in every thing I type on this site in the hope that they will update and include this feature sometime. 'DAMN LACK OF UPDATE NOTIFICATION!'

i can see why you would put harry into the puffs in cannon he jumped to ron's defence very fast when he met draco on the train even only after knowing him a short time. but in cannon who spread word of harry being in the cabin he was in? in cannon draco shows up and says it is being said up and down the train harry potter is in this cabin, so who blabbed? my guess is ron did when he left to use the bathroom which is not in cannon but a 7 or 8 hour train ride would call for several bathroom breaks. also in cannon i would think every pureblood would know only muggleborns have their home tracked for spell use. so why would no one ever tell harry about this to suck up to him?

now i wonder why in cannon no one tries to get harry any titles he may have coming to him such as head of the house of potter or black so they can then try to use them to help themselves? an how this fits into the story is i would like to see something like that.

how come no one has kicked the crap out of ron for losing so many house points? in cannon that would be less likely do to harry potter being in the group but in this version people like percy would make ron regret the day he ever got his hogwarts letter because percy is a by the rules prick who cares a great deal about house points as well as the fact if percy can not even keep his own brothers in line how can he ever even think of being head boy. yes we can write off the twins because everyone knows they are trouble makers but to let ron screw up as well then percy can toss his chances of head boy right out the window.

Excellent story.

There are numerous syntax and grammar issues, but frankly, I don't care. I really like your story. I think the pacing is just fine given the depth with which you are telling the story. And despite the issues, I think it is otherwise very well written.

I like your characterisations; they are close enough to the originals to make this a credible AU for me. I love that you made them Hufflepuffs, and your explanation for it. I love your portrayal of Ron as a grubby little git. I love that they have Slytherin friends. I like your portrayal of "softy" Snape.

I've really enjoyed your story so far, and I hope to see more.

Hi! Dropping by to tell you I found your story a breath of fresh air. I like the alternate take on the characters and house dynamics. Though I do hope that chapters don't take so long to appear....

I may just be an awful person or something, but PROOFREAD. I feel like English may not be your first language, and if that's the case you need to get an English speaking person to help you. You have grammatical errors in parts of the text that are literally word for word from the books. Put in just a little more effort and I'll come back some other day.