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June 26, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Thank you!
Update soon~
Update soon~
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June 26, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Great chapter again, loved the scene with Remus in particular :)
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June 26, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Cool story! I feel a bit silly to ask but is there a chance you could re-explain this thing about submissives and dominates? I'm just a bit confused as to how Lupin can be both a submissive and a dominate. Thank you if you can :D
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June 26, 2013 at 12:00 AM
This story keeps getting more interesting. I love the idea of Blaise and Theo being step-brothers, and I'm fuming at Sirius for his treatment, even if only his plans for it, of Severus. Do get Harry to take a firm hand with him, won't you?
Otherwise, I like the format and if you could get a beta to fill in where you've missed a word or two, it would be stupendous. I make that mistake sometimes myself, so great job, so far.
Otherwise, I like the format and if you could get a beta to fill in where you've missed a word or two, it would be stupendous. I make that mistake sometimes myself, so great job, so far.
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June 22, 2013 at 12:00 AM
That was fast! Thank you for updating and update soon:)))))
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June 22, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Ack! The blasted internet ate my ruddy review! >.< The one time I didn't copy it before posting.... GRAAHG!
So. Anyway. Let's see what I can remember of the blasted thing....
Writing bits: Dialog and tone still seem a bit off. Been thinking on it, and it seems to be missing character, attitude, personality. Not easy things to incorporate. The narrative is definitely improving--kudos. But remember not to get sucked into telling the story... allow the characters to share their story through their actions, emotions, and dialog. Show, don't tell, right? A trick some of my students liked to use is pretending they are movie cameras capturing what they see as opposed to a movie-goer telling their friend what happened in the movie.
Narrative bits: You're find not going into detail about what happens during the next ten days of his spiritual journal, but keep in mind, there will have been a lot for Harry to process, and he will need time to process when he wakes up. He's a man, and one of the character flaws of most men is they want to always try and DO something, fix something. I have a feeling that upon waking, Harry's going to be rearing to go DO and FIX things, but that could have horrible effects on his relationships. Hopefully, Hermione will wrangle him first and be able to talk him down a good bit. Most women are good for talking things out, muddling through emotions to dig at root problems, and then implement strong but soft plans to deal with them.
I'm hoping Harry will come out stronger and more mature for his new found knowledge and understanding of some of his mates, but I'm also hoping he isn't in a rush to divulge all that he's learned about himself and his mates. At least, not to his mates. I don't think that would set well with any of them, knowing that he knows some of their deepest, darkest, most shameful secrets.... However, if he could mention wanting to better understand his heritage in front of the others, casually... if Severus could offer to brew a heritage potion... if Harry or Hermione could express a curiosity for discovering creature-blooded ancestors... if Lucius or Sirius might know of a charm... if the twins expressed an interest in possibly exploring the possibilities of combining said charm with said potion... if Harry would express and interest and curiosity for all his mates' ancestry... after all, think of the children! [laughs]
That would lead to Severus discovering he's of Lestrange blood without Harry coming out and telling him what he found out while asleep and astral-planning it.
A lot of discussions need to happen, and I'm hoping for some good character-building, relationship-building interaction scenes coming up. Harry needs to figure out for himself where he's at, where he wants to be, how he's going to do it. He needs to figure out what he's going to do about his mates--the ones he has now, the ones he's going to have soon. How is he going to be responsible for them all? How are they going to be responsible for each other? Are they going to live in Potter Manor? What about Hogwarts? What about after Hogwarts?
The mateship needs a lot of work. There needs to be some clearing and cleaning of the air between Severus and Sirius, Severus and Remus, Severus and Lucius, Lucius and Sirius, and Sirius and Remus. Lots of small interactions, building up of trust in each other, laying down the foundations for forgiveness and support for future interactions. And it will have to extend above and beyond sexual situations. Yes, Sirius and Remus, Severus and Lucius, are likely to pair of as each others first friend/support/go-to person, but there's going to need to be room for Charlie and Squid-boy, too. (Please don't let it be Triton or Poseidon or something like that... A good, strong, Roman name, okay.)
And what are the expectations of the mateship. Harry's going to need to have a lot of talks--individually and with groups/couples. What does he expect to happen? What do they expect to happen? Will there be a pairing off of dominant-submissive, a prime relationship that naturally fluxuates and floats, but still one prime pairing in which those two naturally will gravitate to each other at the end of the day (or week)? One pairing where the dominant is generally responsible towards one specific sub, and yet still responsible for the overall group?
What about when the children come along? After all, Mimickers are born for the express purpose of repopulating and regenerating creature-blood within the magic world, so children are a must. I know Severus is scared and desperately wants to push it off, but Maeve is already going to be procreating... Is there something special, magical about the mimicker bond that will create a sense of familial for all the mates? or will they be more like a series of families that occasionally overlap but mostly just live together? Some of the characters I can see being naturally nurturing to anyone in the family, but others might need that extra push to tie them in to the others in the mateship.
Then there's the wizarding world fall out. What happens when the wizarding world learns that their blessed BWL is in a multi-pairing relationship? Are there any laws or rules that could be used against them? to protect them? Are creature-blooded considered taboo or half-breeds and discriminated against despite their natural belonging and origins of magic?
Did I mention that it feels off--the numbers--5 and 6. Why not 6 & 6 with one to head? Strong number, 13; a coven number. Maybe that's what it is.
I anticipate Harry needed to have a discussion with Arthur. While it would be disasterous for him to approach Severus head-on, I can totally see Harry going up to Arthur for a private talk--Man talk, Mrs. Weasley. You understand, right? Of course, dear. You go right along, and here, take these sandwiches with you. There you go. Off to the shed, just pop right in!--and just right out asking: What happened to the Prewitt twins. I can easily see him having that man-talk, just hashing everything out, even more so than with Hermione, because Arthur is a man, he's the head of his family, and creature of some sort, a father... He should *know* and *understand* things. Really is a father-figure role-model for Harry. And has he ever heard of something called a mimicker before? or of a creature that can do what apparently Harry can do? And did he know about the twins? What about Ron and Ginny? How would he feel about Harry being a creature, about Harry having a mate, having more than one mate, maybe even having 11 mates? What if one of those mates was a Weasley, Arthur's son? Or a Malfoy? Heck! Both Malfoys? And Severus, Sirius, Remus...? Does he know about Dumbledore? Why hasn't he done anything about anything?
And then there's Hermione and the twins. Definitely looking forward to more of that. What does Hermione think of all this? Does she know, understand, what and why things are happening or is she acting mostly on magical instinct? How does she really feel about being in a relationship with two men--two men who are intimate with each other, two men who are siblings, brothers? What about her parents? What does she expect to happen next? What are the twins' expectations? what about careers? families? Who will Hermione turn to to have that mature conversation? Severus? Remus? It's hard to see where Minerva could step in, which makes me sad to think Hermione really doesn't have any wizarding adult she can have good, solid, mature conversations with...
Oh, also--if a mimicker's purpose is to repopulate, will anti-conception charms and potions really work for Harry?
So. Anyway. Let's see what I can remember of the blasted thing....
Writing bits: Dialog and tone still seem a bit off. Been thinking on it, and it seems to be missing character, attitude, personality. Not easy things to incorporate. The narrative is definitely improving--kudos. But remember not to get sucked into telling the story... allow the characters to share their story through their actions, emotions, and dialog. Show, don't tell, right? A trick some of my students liked to use is pretending they are movie cameras capturing what they see as opposed to a movie-goer telling their friend what happened in the movie.
Narrative bits: You're find not going into detail about what happens during the next ten days of his spiritual journal, but keep in mind, there will have been a lot for Harry to process, and he will need time to process when he wakes up. He's a man, and one of the character flaws of most men is they want to always try and DO something, fix something. I have a feeling that upon waking, Harry's going to be rearing to go DO and FIX things, but that could have horrible effects on his relationships. Hopefully, Hermione will wrangle him first and be able to talk him down a good bit. Most women are good for talking things out, muddling through emotions to dig at root problems, and then implement strong but soft plans to deal with them.
I'm hoping Harry will come out stronger and more mature for his new found knowledge and understanding of some of his mates, but I'm also hoping he isn't in a rush to divulge all that he's learned about himself and his mates. At least, not to his mates. I don't think that would set well with any of them, knowing that he knows some of their deepest, darkest, most shameful secrets.... However, if he could mention wanting to better understand his heritage in front of the others, casually... if Severus could offer to brew a heritage potion... if Harry or Hermione could express a curiosity for discovering creature-blooded ancestors... if Lucius or Sirius might know of a charm... if the twins expressed an interest in possibly exploring the possibilities of combining said charm with said potion... if Harry would express and interest and curiosity for all his mates' ancestry... after all, think of the children! [laughs]
That would lead to Severus discovering he's of Lestrange blood without Harry coming out and telling him what he found out while asleep and astral-planning it.
A lot of discussions need to happen, and I'm hoping for some good character-building, relationship-building interaction scenes coming up. Harry needs to figure out for himself where he's at, where he wants to be, how he's going to do it. He needs to figure out what he's going to do about his mates--the ones he has now, the ones he's going to have soon. How is he going to be responsible for them all? How are they going to be responsible for each other? Are they going to live in Potter Manor? What about Hogwarts? What about after Hogwarts?
The mateship needs a lot of work. There needs to be some clearing and cleaning of the air between Severus and Sirius, Severus and Remus, Severus and Lucius, Lucius and Sirius, and Sirius and Remus. Lots of small interactions, building up of trust in each other, laying down the foundations for forgiveness and support for future interactions. And it will have to extend above and beyond sexual situations. Yes, Sirius and Remus, Severus and Lucius, are likely to pair of as each others first friend/support/go-to person, but there's going to need to be room for Charlie and Squid-boy, too. (Please don't let it be Triton or Poseidon or something like that... A good, strong, Roman name, okay.)
And what are the expectations of the mateship. Harry's going to need to have a lot of talks--individually and with groups/couples. What does he expect to happen? What do they expect to happen? Will there be a pairing off of dominant-submissive, a prime relationship that naturally fluxuates and floats, but still one prime pairing in which those two naturally will gravitate to each other at the end of the day (or week)? One pairing where the dominant is generally responsible towards one specific sub, and yet still responsible for the overall group?
What about when the children come along? After all, Mimickers are born for the express purpose of repopulating and regenerating creature-blood within the magic world, so children are a must. I know Severus is scared and desperately wants to push it off, but Maeve is already going to be procreating... Is there something special, magical about the mimicker bond that will create a sense of familial for all the mates? or will they be more like a series of families that occasionally overlap but mostly just live together? Some of the characters I can see being naturally nurturing to anyone in the family, but others might need that extra push to tie them in to the others in the mateship.
Then there's the wizarding world fall out. What happens when the wizarding world learns that their blessed BWL is in a multi-pairing relationship? Are there any laws or rules that could be used against them? to protect them? Are creature-blooded considered taboo or half-breeds and discriminated against despite their natural belonging and origins of magic?
Did I mention that it feels off--the numbers--5 and 6. Why not 6 & 6 with one to head? Strong number, 13; a coven number. Maybe that's what it is.
I anticipate Harry needed to have a discussion with Arthur. While it would be disasterous for him to approach Severus head-on, I can totally see Harry going up to Arthur for a private talk--Man talk, Mrs. Weasley. You understand, right? Of course, dear. You go right along, and here, take these sandwiches with you. There you go. Off to the shed, just pop right in!--and just right out asking: What happened to the Prewitt twins. I can easily see him having that man-talk, just hashing everything out, even more so than with Hermione, because Arthur is a man, he's the head of his family, and creature of some sort, a father... He should *know* and *understand* things. Really is a father-figure role-model for Harry. And has he ever heard of something called a mimicker before? or of a creature that can do what apparently Harry can do? And did he know about the twins? What about Ron and Ginny? How would he feel about Harry being a creature, about Harry having a mate, having more than one mate, maybe even having 11 mates? What if one of those mates was a Weasley, Arthur's son? Or a Malfoy? Heck! Both Malfoys? And Severus, Sirius, Remus...? Does he know about Dumbledore? Why hasn't he done anything about anything?
And then there's Hermione and the twins. Definitely looking forward to more of that. What does Hermione think of all this? Does she know, understand, what and why things are happening or is she acting mostly on magical instinct? How does she really feel about being in a relationship with two men--two men who are intimate with each other, two men who are siblings, brothers? What about her parents? What does she expect to happen next? What are the twins' expectations? what about careers? families? Who will Hermione turn to to have that mature conversation? Severus? Remus? It's hard to see where Minerva could step in, which makes me sad to think Hermione really doesn't have any wizarding adult she can have good, solid, mature conversations with...
Oh, also--if a mimicker's purpose is to repopulate, will anti-conception charms and potions really work for Harry?
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June 22, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Great chapter, a lovely treat to see a new chapter so quickly after the last :)
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June 21, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Thank you for updating:)
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June 21, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Interesting. 11 pools, 11 mates. 5 dominates, Remus, Charlie, and Squid-boy left to claim; 6 submissives, Draco and Lucius being the only ones that are claimed yet, and we know elf-boy and... was it Reggie's little brother the other one? Which still leaves two...no, wait. Blaise and Theo, right?
The memory pools surely are interesting. Bit of a surprise about Severus's origins. A Lestrange, huh? Well, with the two older brothers deceased, I wonder if it's possible for him to inherit, if Daddy-Lestrange made a fail-safe will?
Sirius and Remus we were already a bit familiar with, but it'll be interesting to learn more about the Prewitt twins and why Molly got involved/interfered... Not to mention, what she has/had on Arthur to make him behave. Dumbles is definitely a bit of a problem to deal with, too, isn't he? Although, I confess, my head is all muddled and I can't seem to keep a straight timeline for this story--is it seventh year? eighth year? Is Dumbledore still alive? Is Voldemorte? Is there a little Teddy Lupin in the world? See? Muddled head!
The tone still seems a bit off, but I think that's just my personal head-space. The narrative is definitely coming along smoother, though!
The memory pools surely are interesting. Bit of a surprise about Severus's origins. A Lestrange, huh? Well, with the two older brothers deceased, I wonder if it's possible for him to inherit, if Daddy-Lestrange made a fail-safe will?
Sirius and Remus we were already a bit familiar with, but it'll be interesting to learn more about the Prewitt twins and why Molly got involved/interfered... Not to mention, what she has/had on Arthur to make him behave. Dumbles is definitely a bit of a problem to deal with, too, isn't he? Although, I confess, my head is all muddled and I can't seem to keep a straight timeline for this story--is it seventh year? eighth year? Is Dumbledore still alive? Is Voldemorte? Is there a little Teddy Lupin in the world? See? Muddled head!
The tone still seems a bit off, but I think that's just my personal head-space. The narrative is definitely coming along smoother, though!
schedule
June 21, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Awesome story :)