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May 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM
started this story tonight and am already waiting for the next chapter...
am liking the story and I'm not going to get "pissy" aout how you write it. You're doing a good jo or I wouldn't still be reading it!
am liking the story and I'm not going to get "pissy" aout how you write it. You're doing a good jo or I wouldn't still be reading it!
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May 22, 2013 at 12:00 AM
wow what a BRILLIANT FANFIC !!!
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April 25, 2013 at 12:00 AM
ewwwww Mr Finch!!!! lol
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April 24, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Hmm, 10 please.
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April 22, 2013 at 12:00 AM
This story sure cntinues to shows a lot of characters in a different light!! Enjoying it a lot.
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April 13, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Awww soo cute but that was a very short chapter :D More please
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April 8, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Hermione can be such a shrew! Wacking Harry, yelling sat him...for heaven's sake she doesn't own him.
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April 7, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I like Blaise & Harry together. And Dumbledore is going to get what he deserves. Snape & Lucius are lovers! And Ron has shown his true colors. It's all turning out great...isn't it? Or is there a fly in the ointment?
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March 26, 2013 at 12:00 AM
YAY A CURE AND LOTS OF SMUT AN LOVE ;D
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March 18, 2013 at 12:00 AM
In general you're off to a good start and I enjoyed the first chapter very much.
However,
the transition from Severus in Dumbledore's office is a little jerky and would be better off broken off into a stand alone sentence.
The following paragraph involving Blaise could use some more emotional language to improve, as it stands now it lacks flow.
In paragraph 8 (involving Vernon's encounter with Harry) it seems a little contradictory.
"Harry's eyes shot open just as a big meaty fist came swinging at him, snapping his head around fast enough that is was surprising he didn't get whiplash Harry's magic reacted and stopped the fist from connecting with his face."
It sounds initially as though Vernon does hit Harry only for that the be negated in the following sentence, which is a little confusing. Also some punctuation appears to be missing after the word whiplash.
Paragraph 12, the dialogue is all bunched together instead of broken up as it should be. Breaking it apart makes it easier to track who is speaking. It should be:
However,
the transition from Severus in Dumbledore's office is a little jerky and would be better off broken off into a stand alone sentence.
The following paragraph involving Blaise could use some more emotional language to improve, as it stands now it lacks flow.
In paragraph 8 (involving Vernon's encounter with Harry) it seems a little contradictory.
"Harry's eyes shot open just as a big meaty fist came swinging at him, snapping his head around fast enough that is was surprising he didn't get whiplash Harry's magic reacted and stopped the fist from connecting with his face."
It sounds initially as though Vernon does hit Harry only for that the be negated in the following sentence, which is a little confusing. Also some punctuation appears to be missing after the word whiplash.
Paragraph 12, the dialogue is all bunched together instead of broken up as it should be. Breaking it apart makes it easier to track who is speaking. It should be: