rate_review Reviews

I can see what you are trying to do with this story, it is a concept I have seen before and it has the potential to be a good read; however I feel that your writing style is a bit abrupt and you would be better adding more description and slowing the pace slightly. Also using the bold font makes this more difficult to read in my personal opinion, perhaps reserve the use of bold for Authors notes etc.
Please note I make these criticisms not to offend, but in the hope of aiding you to become a better writer, good luck with the rest of your story.