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January 17, 2014 at 12:00 AM
This is a wonderful story I have enjoyed read it very much! :D720
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October 24, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I AM ENJOYING THIS story please update
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July 4, 2012 at 12:00 AM
I'm normally a h/d shipper but I love your story!!!! Can't wait for more!!! Who will you pair Draco with?
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June 25, 2012 at 12:00 AM
This was a great chapter can't wait to see what is going to happen so please update again soon.
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June 12, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Love it
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June 9, 2012 at 12:00 AM
blinks.
you don't often see that. I think I've only read two other Pet rapes/molests har fics. though a har/weasley manwich is always pretty hot.
ah, i see you've gone the 'dumbles is the root of all evil route.' I'm surprised you missed the Peveral line in the inheritances... that's almost a staple in an abused Harry Sue fic. (wiki mary sue if you don't know what i mean.)
what, no mention of the Blood Quill incident?
along with the ubiquitous Harry Sue 'all bad guys die, all good guys get what they deserve' ending.
Apart from the Aunty Rape and the Weasley lads as mates, a pretty standard example of Harry Sue isum all around.
I'm assuming you didn't have a bata due to all the typos and such.
otherwise though, you seem to be having a bit of apostrophe trouble. if you're sticking one before an S it means that word belongs to something eg. The elf's hat. The word you're looking for there is elves meaning more than one elf.
apostrophes are also used when you splice to words together 'will not' = won't or you chop bits out of a word or name (alla pern dragon riders series) Florian = F'ain.
remember as well. not all words with an S on the end need a apostrophe. eg paper/papers. it's just a plural. Doesn't need the apostrophe. same with bouncers and marauders.
The language as well. Since Luc is a high brow type, he would likely speak proper English 'Me and Narcissa' should correctly be 'Narcissa and I'.
i noticed a few typos to. eg loosing (to loosen something that is tight) instead of losing (to lose or have something taken from you) There's also the your / you're thing as well (you're obviously being a splice of you are. Also the 'ies' plurals daddy / daddies. the 'ies' usually meaning multiple of. one daddy. two daddies. One body, two bodies. etc.
You really seem to have probs with your plurals and tenses. eg drink, drank, drunk. To drink, I drank, you're drunk.
Along with words that sound the same but have different meanings eg there (place eg here and there) their (people eg their own team)they're (contraction of they are eg. they're right)
Where (place eg where we come from), wear (clothing usually eg I will wear purple robes) We're (contraction of we are eg we're okay)
Also, you can stick a comma at the end of a spoken sentence if you plan to include more after the speech marks. eg "I don't think that's a good idea," said Ron.
I know these are just little niggles but they really do irk and distract me from reading the story. Sort of like the way 'block of text' glitches do the same.
If you do another pls, pls, pls get a bata. All these scattered through just wreck things.
you don't often see that. I think I've only read two other Pet rapes/molests har fics. though a har/weasley manwich is always pretty hot.
ah, i see you've gone the 'dumbles is the root of all evil route.' I'm surprised you missed the Peveral line in the inheritances... that's almost a staple in an abused Harry Sue fic. (wiki mary sue if you don't know what i mean.)
what, no mention of the Blood Quill incident?
along with the ubiquitous Harry Sue 'all bad guys die, all good guys get what they deserve' ending.
Apart from the Aunty Rape and the Weasley lads as mates, a pretty standard example of Harry Sue isum all around.
I'm assuming you didn't have a bata due to all the typos and such.
otherwise though, you seem to be having a bit of apostrophe trouble. if you're sticking one before an S it means that word belongs to something eg. The elf's hat. The word you're looking for there is elves meaning more than one elf.
apostrophes are also used when you splice to words together 'will not' = won't or you chop bits out of a word or name (alla pern dragon riders series) Florian = F'ain.
remember as well. not all words with an S on the end need a apostrophe. eg paper/papers. it's just a plural. Doesn't need the apostrophe. same with bouncers and marauders.
The language as well. Since Luc is a high brow type, he would likely speak proper English 'Me and Narcissa' should correctly be 'Narcissa and I'.
i noticed a few typos to. eg loosing (to loosen something that is tight) instead of losing (to lose or have something taken from you) There's also the your / you're thing as well (you're obviously being a splice of you are. Also the 'ies' plurals daddy / daddies. the 'ies' usually meaning multiple of. one daddy. two daddies. One body, two bodies. etc.
You really seem to have probs with your plurals and tenses. eg drink, drank, drunk. To drink, I drank, you're drunk.
Along with words that sound the same but have different meanings eg there (place eg here and there) their (people eg their own team)they're (contraction of they are eg. they're right)
Where (place eg where we come from), wear (clothing usually eg I will wear purple robes) We're (contraction of we are eg we're okay)
Also, you can stick a comma at the end of a spoken sentence if you plan to include more after the speech marks. eg "I don't think that's a good idea," said Ron.
I know these are just little niggles but they really do irk and distract me from reading the story. Sort of like the way 'block of text' glitches do the same.
If you do another pls, pls, pls get a bata. All these scattered through just wreck things.
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June 9, 2012 at 12:00 AM
All 15 chapters so far are amazing! I love the story. Please update soon.