rate_review Reviews

oh I hope you are still writing this I would love to see more please thank you

poor har is a mess. at least most of it's fixable.

another great story update soon.

one of your chapters has a srsly long title, might wanna fix that.

Poor Harry, please update chapter 22.

har needs a lot of work to bring him back to health... i'm glad he has people willing to do it. i look forward to seeing har when they're done. Magical Britain won't know what's hit them.
remi would be an awesome alpha... just got to get him off his butt, out there and doing it.

i'm enjoying the story, but i get frustrated when authors put harry through the wringer but offer no surcease even with means mentioned in their own story. For example, you mention mad-eye, who has lost an eye due to dark magic but was able to get a replacement magical eye. Why can't harry have the same thing? His eye was lost to an injury that mimics dark magic, he should be healed like other characters in your story. This story started with Mind Healing and has been about a month in the timeline, but he still hasn't seen a healer? Severus and Remus are not living up to the responsibilities they have taken on. They are leaving his mental health in the hands of Draco, a child with no training.

I do look forward to reading more of this AU and finding out the reasons Dumbles is so blase about Harry and other students safety.

sorry but i hate the way you turn ron into a monster, i thougth maybe harry would take a long time to turst ron again but for you to turn him into a monster.

Yes an update! Harry's eye is still ruined...maybe Sev's potion/charm that was mentioned could help? Scars are bad enough & thinking he couldn't come as a normal male but his beautiful green eye?? Harry has a lot of powerful & wiley people protecting him now but I love how Draco is his chief protector and treats him like he is the angel he sees him as. He needs a lot of that to make up for what he's gone through. Also to become the strong smart loving person he was meant to be not someone's pawn or plaything.

Ok, so normally I don't like the more angsty stories, but I think it works here and I love the relationship you created for harry and draco. A few pieces of constructive crit...

1.Try to show not tell, there are parts where it feels more like you are writing a list or a geneology report, and that (while important) can detract from the flow of the story.

2.While I like that the characters have completely redone personalities, try to avoid letting them ramble. Even if the character types you have created are more open and honest, the rambling can make it hard to follow the train of the conversation. This is your story, so you have all the time you want to to develop their relationships so that they can discuss things. No need to fit it all into one chat. Lol ;)

Over all, I have enjoyed reading this so far, and would love to see more!