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rate_review Reviews

for Seriously Black

by LadyOfTheNight

schedule September 14, 2012 at 12:00 AM
*goes into my closet* DAMN! Nothing but shoes and belts and clothes in there *rats*

schedule August 20, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Mmmm... so glad you shared this plot bunny with us; love the duality of Sirius and his conflict with his lust for Hermione, as well as his snide, condescending opinion of the Oaf-- lol! Great! Love your style and dynamics for such effective erotica - as with your other story, we demand more!!!xxx Just really curious if Hermione could tell the difference between *Rons*? Sequel, please!xxxx
person AeonFlux4444
schedule July 11, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Hopefully you wrote a fic with this couple as the main and quit putting the idiot Ron as his soul mate. JKR's bad enough that Hermione has convicted to life imprisonment at the head of dick-always red.
She must be a couple of Sirius, Snape or Harry minimum.
schedule April 18, 2012 at 12:00 AM

To be completely honest with you, thank you for including the "Contro" tag, because this is controversial. While I thought you did a good job depicting Sirius' obsession, I do think he takes it too far as well. It did bring to mind an interesting idea though: how would your Sirius (the one as you've written him here) fare in a longer fic centered on the Ron/Hermione dynamic? It would be an interesting read, certainly, if you chose to expand upon what you've written here.

On a technical note, you seem to have a love affair with the comma. For example, these two sentences:

She caught his eye at the age of fourteen, young and still, for the most part, pre-pubescent. His attraction, at first, had been nothing physical.

And this one:

The idea came to him in a flash, he may have lost her heart, but he might still get to sample that delectable body.

As a suggestion, it might read more smoothly with dashes or semicolons in some places throughout your story. The way you have it now, it's heavily comma-spliced. This results in the feel of numerous run-on sentences.

Overall, though, I thank you for sharing the piece. Happy writing to you!