rate_review Reviews

Its good porn but there are a few things that bother me...you keep spelling George as Georges and Creevy as Crivy and your tenses could use some work. You are getting better as you progress though! Nice work with the spacing!I did wonder in the 2nd last chapter where Vernon suddenly came from. One moment Harry is making out with James and the next Vernon is there O_o

Great PWP. Love the way you are fleshing it out. Very hot. However the one negative point is your spelling and your grammar. You use different tenses incorrectly as well as plurals and it really distracts from the lovely porn...do you have a beta?

This story is sick and disgusting

This story is hot as fuck.
Just to let you know on the 3rd paragraph you put bandage instead of bondage

Do you still need a Beta? If you do, I could possibly do it. However, it'll be my first time and I've no works displayed on this site for you to check my style.

i hope there's more to come to the story

For some reason it's not letting me log on and review. Anyway, I was wondering if you still needed a Beta. It'll be my first time (if you do choose me) and I have no works put up yet to display my work. If so, please message me either on AFF or by e-mail.

if vernon wants money for sex he could always start a website. an if done right you could turn one site into 5 or 6 using the same videos. where you have say a 2 minute clip of harry pissing then shitting then showering that alone is 3 different feddishes so 3 different sites. then of course there is bondage, ass cumming and oral cumming for 3 more sites not to mention master/slave site as well. that right there is 7 sites so even if you only get 100,000 people world wide to join your sites a month then at 20 pounds sterling each that is 2 million pounds sterling a month.an you figure you already have several people to put on the sites harry, collin, dennis, dudley and that is if you are only sticking to the kids. an if vernon gets hooked up with this teacher he could get dozens of other children not even counting the sluts he can pick up in the wizarding world take to a muggle hotel video and post them on his sites as well and it would cost him next to nothing. an which ever sluts get the most hits on his sites are the ones he pays to give a second show thereby cutting down his over all costs. vernon could end up running the biggest child porn sites in the world in no time at all. an if this teacher hooks him up with the right people he could video them as well having sex with harry, collin and dennis and use it as blackmail to keep out of trouble with the cops.

great story. really smexy. lol.

I saw that you were willing to accept critiques on your English. I do love your story, so much that I don't mind the grammer mistakes. However, your biggest problem seems to be your tenses, as in past/present/future-tense. Remember, all non-dialogue should be in past-tense, as it seems like that is your writing style.