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February 9, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Love this story and can't wait to read more
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January 14, 2012 at 12:00 AM
several spelling issues throughout, though this one made me blink and you might want to fix it at least "I will require an audit for any funds withdrawn since the date of my death" think that was supposed to be -parent's- death lol
really interesting story, kinda unbelievable but a really good read with a sexed-up, manipulating, confident harry and the world as his oyster with the men as his play things lmao i wound up laughing through a lot of this just at his sheer audacity. and poor conflicted snape and overwhelmed marvolo, they just don't stand a chance. and then there's clueless dumbles, that's going to be an interesting encounter. and omg, ron in slytherin! that was a serious twist, glad the twins are good guys at least. keep up the good work, i look forward to more
really interesting story, kinda unbelievable but a really good read with a sexed-up, manipulating, confident harry and the world as his oyster with the men as his play things lmao i wound up laughing through a lot of this just at his sheer audacity. and poor conflicted snape and overwhelmed marvolo, they just don't stand a chance. and then there's clueless dumbles, that's going to be an interesting encounter. and omg, ron in slytherin! that was a serious twist, glad the twins are good guys at least. keep up the good work, i look forward to more
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January 13, 2012 at 12:00 AM
whoa, Har's quite the dark, little, vamp Garry isn't he. How long did it take and what age did Har seduce his uncle... and how did he NOT make it hurt like hell. I mean his body is pretty damn small to be taking that big of a cock.
Now that Har contols voldi, i'm guessing he's not going 'home' again.
I love the idea of a Slyth Ron. Who would've thought it. He's typically the quitasetial Gryff.
having Ron and Draco 'bond' is certainly one way around the blood fude. :P
I love your poor puzzeld Sev to. He's been hard core thrown in at the deep end but he hasn't sunk yet... or given in. don't know how long that will last though. Har is one determined little shota jail bait. go sev.
Now that Har contols voldi, i'm guessing he's not going 'home' again.
I love the idea of a Slyth Ron. Who would've thought it. He's typically the quitasetial Gryff.
having Ron and Draco 'bond' is certainly one way around the blood fude. :P
I love your poor puzzeld Sev to. He's been hard core thrown in at the deep end but he hasn't sunk yet... or given in. don't know how long that will last though. Har is one determined little shota jail bait. go sev.
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January 13, 2012 at 12:00 AM
This fic went from unlikely to utterly ridiculous by the end of it. I will try to mention the highlights. First of all, Harry is way too sexually experienced (and mature) for a ten year old; even if he had a willing uncle to 'help' him along, it would be very unlikely that he would be able to properly climax. You also failed to note in any of the orgy or threesome scenes that the boys had any sort of variance in erection or penis size, making it sound like they had all reached complete physical maturity when this was not the case. Harry is also way too magically advanced for his age; even if he had a tutor, and Harry was a genius, learning something in theory is much different than actually practicing it. Also, knowing something and teaching it are two completely different things, so his single tutor would only be able to get him so far in his schooling, which would not make him nearly as advanced as you portray him to be. You sort of touched on how Harry can sleep with so many different people at such a young age because he looks like he could be anywhere between 10 and 20 or however you described it, but no 10-year-old looks like that. If anything, they would seem younger than their age because our culture (even if it only affected the muggleborns in your story) continuously casts 15-year-olds to play a 10-year-old, skewing our ability to judge age. I also find it hard to believe that a fully trained wizard and a potions master to boot would not be able to recognise and treat an infected bite wound on his own, and the fact that Harry had to rush in and save the day was hardly believable.
Your story telling skills went downhill as the chapter progressed. I fully took notice of this deterioration about the time when Harry went to retrieve the Philosopher's Stone, though it probably occurred before this point (I just cant bring myself to reread this to check). Before this, there was action, dialogue, and emotion, but during and after this scene, I mostly just saw what Harry was doing, and not what he was thinking, feeling, or experiencing, which made it rather painful to read and I eventually gave up. It seemed like you knew what you needed him to do, so you just made him do it without taking care to keep the story engaging to the reader. Anyway, like I said- these were the highlights, though there were many other things that made me cringe about this fic such as punctuation, grammar, and probably some spelling errors as well. This fic started out rather well, so if you slowed down the plot a bit, and stuck to reality a bit more, I think this could turn out alright
Your story telling skills went downhill as the chapter progressed. I fully took notice of this deterioration about the time when Harry went to retrieve the Philosopher's Stone, though it probably occurred before this point (I just cant bring myself to reread this to check). Before this, there was action, dialogue, and emotion, but during and after this scene, I mostly just saw what Harry was doing, and not what he was thinking, feeling, or experiencing, which made it rather painful to read and I eventually gave up. It seemed like you knew what you needed him to do, so you just made him do it without taking care to keep the story engaging to the reader. Anyway, like I said- these were the highlights, though there were many other things that made me cringe about this fic such as punctuation, grammar, and probably some spelling errors as well. This fic started out rather well, so if you slowed down the plot a bit, and stuck to reality a bit more, I think this could turn out alright