rate_review Reviews

I have to tell you that the Chuvash are a REAL group of Turkish people not imaginary magical creatures! You should have did a little research before choosing a name for your race of beings. Maybe you can rearrange the creature back story to have them named Cuvash because they too, are native Chuvashia or even Siberia where the Chuvash mainly live these days.

I'm not flaming you,really I'm not...but as interesting as this idea was at the beginning, the lack of character development and the horrible grammar/spelling issues are too off putting to really enjoy the intended content. So please do yourself a favor and find a good beta. Your ideas have merit and a beta could really go along way in helping you execute them.

just a quick note, i'm sure somebody else has to have told you before now, but ch.27 has most of the whole story text repeated in it

I tried to review this last night but it kept giving me illegible passwords! It was outstanding, like your work ususually is.

Excellent - more please. thx.

I was so happy to see a new chapter...this story is so great and brilliant that I always look for a new chapter when I am on this site. And I can't wait for Draco and Harry's inheritance

Outstanding, why is there two of chapter 14 text back to back?

WHERE ARE YOU? YOU HAVE TO UP-DATE NOW PLEASE!!!!!!!!!PLEASE!!!!!!!!PLEASE!!!!!!!PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!PLEASE!!!!!!!!PLEASE!!!!!PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, here's what I have to say. I'm going to be totally honest. Your story was honestly intriguing at first. I was glad to read it. Then the more I read it, the more annoyed I got. First things first. You desperately need a beta. Like, immediately. There are big mistakes made every chapter. Missing words, syntax errors. It gets to be too much. Second, you repeat yourself to death. I mean, something happens and instead of it happening and there being some small explanation given, you rehash the ENTIRE incident again, about 50 times. And instead of varying the words, they're very nearly the same words you used earlier in the chapter. I've read about Severus and Percy's forced abortions in the exact same words in no doubt what feels like a million times. I understand that it happened. Yes, I get it. I'm sad about it. I do not need to be told over and over again. Third, the Gary-stu ness of your male characters. They're all super powerful and super awesome and speak 50 bajillion languages and play a million instruments. They're descended from Hogwarts founders and creatures and beautiful and rich, omg. That's just sigh worthy. it's bad writing. Third, your text dumps. You "textbook" every chapter. Long rambling speeches unprompted from characters. It's just like blam! I can barely remember certain stuff because it was handed to me in this dense manner. Fourth, you use Dracken all over the place when you said you want to use Chuvash still. Fifth, you break your own rules. There are supposed to be only a scarce number of Chuvash subs and there are 3 all in Hogwarts, maybe more. That doesn't seem scarce at all. Sixth, the Sirius I and Sirius III thing is annoying. You shouldn't have to write those. The characters should be vastly different enough to be recognised by voice (or text, ya know, as a written story and all.) but the characters and characterisation don't differ from one another. I can hardly tell any characters apart. They're all pretty much the same. I think this needs a lot of work. A lot. And I'm really not trying to be mean, really. I put my email and everything there, so feel free to contact me if you disagree or want some clarification on anything I've said.

I was so excited to see this update. I love this story and thought that the continuation of the prank wars was great. great chapter looking forward to more.
Brandi

Ch. 58 is awesome! Two boys screaming like girls!!!