rate_review Reviews

This is getting really, really good! You HAVE to write more... The world will be a bit sader if you don't finish this story! I love it! :D

Your story is pretty good so far, and I've upoed my standards massivly after reading the impressivly great story that I think is the one you got the idea of harry's dad throwing money away from. *Chuckles* A tragedy that the autor gave up on the sequel. I can see how it could have inspired you, your story holds a bit of the same greatness thus far.

It's called Harry Potter and the Decent into Darkness by Athey on fanfiction.net

Do you have this story posted there? If you do, could you send me the link, I'd want it on my fav list. ;)

I go by SnowCrashNate on fanfiction.net

Please keep up the good writing. I really do love Evil Harry. *Chuckles* And Voldermort, being evil, arrogant and in his Tom Riddle form is incredibly hot! *Grins*

 

~Nate

I am glad I stuck with your story because I like reading about the different technical details people come up with in regards to magic, goblins, heritage, politics and other background stuff. I wanted to see what kind of mentorship Marvolo provided and how Severus would play in the story. I like how your Marvolo mentioned the electives offered in his day, a fun detail from his own school days. Originally I stopped reading when Harry confronted the Dursleys because I couldn't take Harry being so vindictive even though it is pretty damned justified and the way you described Harry and Marvolo's tactile relationship sounded unnecessarily sexual with considering Harry's age and I was tired of the blushing. Anyways, I think your story is definitely improving as the chapters go on and I look forward to how you plan to weave canon events into your story. This story is already complete but if it wasn't, the teasers are a nice touch so people have something to look forward to. Thank you for writing.

I don't like Ron either, but I do enjoy fics where he redeems himself and becomes a worthy and understanding friend. I haven't reread the books in years though so that might be out of character for him to actually be a good friend. Harry sticking with Ron even though he's not so great is in character to me since Harry comes off as a loyal person. Haha, I look forward to see how Marvolo and Harry plan on obtaining Snape's blood, hopefully he's not traumatized in the process. Marvolo protecting Harry and then withdrawing because he was weak from exertion was a a great scene. What exactly did he do to protect Harry though?

Dumbledore messing with Harry's schedule totally brought out my ire, that blasted man. Brilliant move on Harry's part on getting Minerva to stay, like having a witness when he was at Gringott's. Way to go Minerva for speaking up for Harry. Never understood why any professor would approve of adventures/pranks since it's disruptive, unsafe, damages property or a form of bullying. My impression of Dumbledore just keeps sinking lower and lower, purposely endangering the welfare of a child for his own agenda is such a crappy move to make. Knot magic and the misery knot are a wonderful concept, I love it. Were they original ideas or based from something else? Look forward to learning about Severus, thank you for writing.

Your comment about Harry being too young to care about the attention he was getting was reassuring. Good lord Snape is such a horrible teacher, bullying his students. I'm glad your Harry defended himself reasonably in spite of being angry over such pettiness. Having Marvolo explain about Snape at least gave reason behind his behavior. Did you ever find it weird how Lily even ended up with James? My impression was he was a shitty person so either he became better after Lily or she's not so great either...actually the fact that she didn't continue her friendship with Snape after everything they went through and couldn't accept his apology makes her seem pretty shallow. I forgot to add it in my review for the last chapter but Marvolo's concern for Harry and hesitating in sleeping next to Harry because he didn't want to cause magical exhaustion was sweet :-) Lol, Marvolo was super tall and now Snape is tall too. Wow, Snape doesn't really have his emotions under control when he opts for pulling out his wand on a student who isn't even posing a physical threat to him. I like your rendition on how Harry came out to Snape about the past and everything, we'll done! I laughed when Snape grew alarmed because he thought Harry murdered his relatives because generally person don't suspect children of murder. I like your Snape, he seemed way too accepting, a total turnabout after being so awful but I'm glad and I like how he apologized to Harry how Harry is humble about it. I found movie Remus sinister and creepy and overall a bad prefect because protecting students from bullying seems pretty obvious and then an asshole for abandoning his pregnant wife. I look forward to the nice chapter, thank you for writing.

That's awful, I thought there would like a healer's oath to bring awareness to signs of abuse and contact child services to investigate matters to get a child out of a dangerous environment. I'm glad you didn't go in graphic play by play of the abuse Harry had to go through, I have a hard time sitting through fics that do that and wonder what the writer was feeling thinking when they wrote that, it fills me with dread because I suspect them of sinister motives in real life because as much as I like comfort fics, it makes it seem like they enjoy putting the protagonist through so much hurt and trauma :-/ Your Snape has a degree in Medi-wizardry, that is awesome :-D This is the first fic where it's not recommended to practice dark magic in the Room of Requirement, fascinating but makes sense. Haha, I love how Harry described his dad. I never took into account how Harry would definitely be harboring resentment about his father early on if he was told that it was because his dad was a drunk that his mother died. Maybe it's because Petunia/Vernon said both his parents were drunks so he can't really resent one over the other. I can imagine Andromeda catching Tonks whenever she see comes home, Andromeda sounds like a great mom already <3 I love your description of Andromeda looking like she wanted to rub her hands together gleefully but was too refined too lol. I really enjoy your author's notes, they are informative and fun to read. Thank you for writing.

This was a truly wonderful fic and I cannot wait to see how the sequel will go. I couldnt help but read all this in one sitting

First of all,it has been an amazing story so far, I enjoy the subtlety of each characters machinations, the descriptive happenings and the complete turn-over of the whole Harry Potter novel. However, what I don't agree and actually makes want to scream is this: How can you leave the story here and like this?! Please, you must, you must continue the story. It is absolutely eye-catching! Post more chapters, no better yet! Consider finishing the story. I would like to see more male-male action between Marvolo and Harry, and alos of Hermione becoming more and more suspicious of Dumbledore to the point of considering the Dark Arts and talking to Harry. Btw Remus is a fool!

In one of yor earlier posts, you mentioned someone had told you that your Snape wasn't believable. I like your Snape. Perhaps he did grow close to Harry quickly. In all honestly, their relationship is a bit too smooth. But I think it works overall, and Harry needs someone on his side (Marvolo can only do so much without a body).

Canon-Lupin was originally one of my favorite characters in the 3rd book. But then I reread the book(s) and thought more carefully about the characters. I think you have a good handle on his character. He doesn't stand up to his friends when they bully others (to be fair a lot of people don't have that inner strenght most of the time) but he is quick to try to guilt Harry into behaving "properly".

I was sad with the portrayal of Draco Malfoy. I know he was a bit of a whiny git in the beginning of the books so you weren't completely off. But I was still sad to see Harry humilate him in the great hall when you had started to set Draco up as a confussed but redeemable boy. I find it hard to see any reconciliation as Draco's wounded pride would set up a road block. Of course, this isn't a H/D story so I guess it's not as important here, but I was hoping they'd be friends at least. Harry will need someone his age to relate to... even if he is more advanced than most people his age.

All in all, I think you did a good job for this kind of story. Often dark!Harry has the sudden revelation and Dumbledore is super correupt, Ron and/or Hermione are terrible friends that are just using him, and Harry starts killing and torturing people left and right. Your story is more believable. Dumbledore is manipulative but in a way that's believable that he could get away with. Your Ron and Hermione aren't good friends but they aren't the most terrible people either. And it is a slow but believable progression for Harry to make it to the "dark" side. I also like how you addressed Dumbledore's various titles. I don't think I've seen that in a fic before.

I look forward to reading the sequel.