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February 18, 2012 at 12:00 AM
I think you could have used a little more finesse, while describing what was happening between Harry and Hermione. From the title of your story, I thought the encounter would be kind of sweet and intimate. Also the use of the words meat pole to describe Harry's penis really threw me off. I think that if you change a few this this could be really sweet moment for the two that people will enjoy reading.