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December 30, 2017 at 12:00 AM
Noooooo why did you stop!?
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May 18, 2015 at 12:00 AM
nice couple of chapters.......when are you going to finish it ?....
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November 10, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Looks like a promising start to this story, with Hermione and Harry discovering each other's orientation already, and all set to learn more. It's great that she's agreed to live with him. The whole thing with Ron finding the magazines and going ballistic... a bit over the top, but it works well enough to set up the initial conflict. I like how you highlight the solid friendship and affection between Harry and Hermione, and hope you'll keep this up as their relationship evolves.
Recommend more attention to detail in spelling, grammar, and punctuation. And the wobbling around between past tense and present tense kind of made me seasick. Even happens within the same paragraph: "Was she flirting? She has to admit that she's flattered by Harry's chivalry." Please, please decide which tense you're using, and stick to it.
Also recommend checking more carefully for weird word choices, e.g. in Chapter 1: "pressed them to her buxom" - should be "bosom," right? - Or seek out a sub with excellent spelling/grammar and make them beta-read your story (could even work as a punishment if the sub ships Ron/Hermione).
What I'd like to see in later chapters: some more creative effort to integrate D/s with the wizarding world of HP canon. All too often in these first two chapters, Harry and Hermione are acting/talking like Muggles, and their discussion of D/s is firmly "real world," like any Lifestyle for Beginners information on any website. Hermione's breakfast-making adventure could have been written with any characters A and B from any fandom or original fic. Try introducing some D/s-compatible wizarding traditions, customs, rituals, spells, artefacts, potions - cut loose, let your imagination run wild! - just do something to remind us that we're reading HP fanfic. Please bring on the magic, and show us your ideas about how D/s might work in the unique world of witches and wizards.
Recommend more attention to detail in spelling, grammar, and punctuation. And the wobbling around between past tense and present tense kind of made me seasick. Even happens within the same paragraph: "Was she flirting? She has to admit that she's flattered by Harry's chivalry." Please, please decide which tense you're using, and stick to it.
Also recommend checking more carefully for weird word choices, e.g. in Chapter 1: "pressed them to her buxom" - should be "bosom," right? - Or seek out a sub with excellent spelling/grammar and make them beta-read your story (could even work as a punishment if the sub ships Ron/Hermione).
What I'd like to see in later chapters: some more creative effort to integrate D/s with the wizarding world of HP canon. All too often in these first two chapters, Harry and Hermione are acting/talking like Muggles, and their discussion of D/s is firmly "real world," like any Lifestyle for Beginners information on any website. Hermione's breakfast-making adventure could have been written with any characters A and B from any fandom or original fic. Try introducing some D/s-compatible wizarding traditions, customs, rituals, spells, artefacts, potions - cut loose, let your imagination run wild! - just do something to remind us that we're reading HP fanfic. Please bring on the magic, and show us your ideas about how D/s might work in the unique world of witches and wizards.
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August 8, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Yay! Very excited about the training of Hermione, which I can only imagine that is what their trip is going to be able! Wonderful story, I am really enjoying it and can't wait to read more!
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August 8, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I like ron, and most of the flaws you see, some are just his age 14 15. As for hermoine and harry they both have the same flaws and some are worse, like hermoine will say think to hurt ron feeling, becouse he said something like not see she has a different hair style, and she call him names.
As for why it would freak him out, first I don
As for why it would freak him out, first I don
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August 8, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I love this story and can't wait for more!!
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August 6, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Nice job setting the stage. Looking forward to what's next.
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July 30, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Sure hope there will be more chapters! cant wait for them!
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July 15, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Enjoyed this chapter. Would love to see where it goes.
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July 8, 2011 at 12:00 AM
very interesting story! I'm curious to see how the relationship between Harry and Hermione will further develop.