I often feel it best to preface my critiques with a note to the author that I am a very blunt person. While I do my utmost not to come across as abrasive, many writers do tend to take constructive criticism as an attack. Since you requested (in your first chapter) a critique, I shall assume that you will read this in its intended spirit - to help you become a better writer.
Please also note that all of these comments are left as a reader only.
I think you have an intriguing idea here. Your technical skills are very well developed, and I certainly appreciate that. There are, however, a few items regarding your themes that I would like to address.
First, Snape's reaction to Harry's rape. (As a side note, it is always best to tag for rape. Whether on the story as a whole, or a note on the chapter(s) that involve it. This is a 'trigger' item, thus why it's required by the site to be marked on the story.)
As Snape has noted that there is a body-shaped dent on the hood of Vernon's car, a few questions come to mind.
- Where was Arabella Figg? She should have been able to witness the scene and alert Dumbledore. This brings up some sinister possibilities regarding Dumbledore's inaction.
- You have Snape say that he thinks Petunia didn't know. This is not possible. Petunia is the one who tells Harry that Vernon has gone to get rope from the store. She is aware that Harry is being abused, and if she has remorse about it, she should be contacting the police while Vernon is out, or finding a way to get a message to Dumbledore.
- You also have Snape say that he thinks Dudley was unaware - this is also not possible. Given the fact that he has the room next door, he has to have heard the noises coming from it. With Dudley's personality, he would have gone to investigate (possibly thinking Harry was masturbating and prepared to deride him for it). He would have, at least once, walked in on his father raping Harry.
In regards to Harry's cutting:
- the first time, you show us. But after that, he's been tied to the bed. You make mention that he hasn't been fed, hasn't been allowed to get up to use the bathroom, and assumes that days have passed. Given that Vernon was out to get the rope to tie Harry to the bed when Harry began cutting, when else did he have time to engage in that practice?
- I don't see Snape, being a guarded Slytherin, allowing Harry to know the very personal detail at this early stage that he reveals here.
With respect to your depiction of Slytherins:
- Slytherins protect their main interests viciously. You have far too many of them revealing their secrets with no reciprocation.
- Severus Snape is a spy. I understand you're probably using Elisha's ability to sneak up on him as an allusion to her power; however, he wouldn't be a very good spy if he didn't know when he was being watched.
- Draco Malfoy would not put himself knowingly in harm's way (as being an 'out' homosexual in the world you've described would do). I'm sure there's a back story to how his homosexuality was revealed. Without that information, it appears that you are using this revelation simply as a means to move the plot forward. Unfortunately, in doing so, your depiction of Draco suffers.
- If Lucius is as angry about the attack on Draco as you describe, he would not have waited until the next day to show up. Speaking as a parent, if someone hurts my child, it's dealt with immediately. The only conceivable thing that would have kept me from making my presence known at Hogwarts the moment I found out (assuming Snape flooed Malfoy, my reaction would have been a very clipped "Step aside, Severus" and I would have been through the grate and on the rampage) is death itself.
- A Slytherin is not going to put himself into a debt. Both Lucius and Draco do this when they openly acknowledge Harry having shielded Draco from attack.
- Regardless of the bond you're attempting to develop between Snape and Harry, the revelations that he makes to Harry within a span of days are deeply guarded secrets he has held onto for decades. I can't stress that enough.
- Despite the emotion of the situation, Lucius Malfoy would not allow himself to become overtly emotional in front of Harry Potter as well as Granger and Weasley.
- Severus would not be a very good spy at all if he had to choke back tears every time that Lucius was crucioed by Voldemort.
With respect to Elisha.
- She is all-powerful.
- She is liked by everyone.
- She sacrifices herself for Harry, making note that she is allowing herself to be killed.
- She is Harry's half-sister. (When was Lily supposed to have had her, and why did Lily give away her child?)
- She is able to communicate with Harry even after death.
All of these elements combine to make her appear very much like a Mary Sue.
As I said in the beginning, I do think that you have an interesting idea. I know that writing about controversial subjects can certainly be emotionally draining. If you want to address issues of this nature in your writing, I certainly recommend finding some accounts from those who have suffered through these events (rape, cutting, adultery), as well as those who have been the support system for them. With regards to the act of cutting, I would recommend that you research the practice of it. By that, I mean the reasons behind it, who most likely enacts the practice, etc. As I understand it, mostly females engage in this practice. While I appreciate the need for a reaction to the rape, having Harry react in a female manner rather than a male one is counter-intuitive. I suggest that when you are researching these topics, you look for accounts from the perspective that would best parallel your character.
Welcome back! I had to go back and re-read chapters here and there in order to refresh my memory, but I'm now up to date on the story. So...good chapter - sad, but good. I look forward to the next update.
Elisha and make snape happy and Harry happy