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April 29, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Excellent!! How about losing control again, and then making malfoy painfully pay as they go on happly ever after. Full marks!!!
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April 28, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Hmm, well, the writing was not bad. I just don't think you spent enough time establishing the whys and wherefores. What resulted from Harry's sudden fixation was close to rape, if not actual rape. Considering that Ginny already has a thing for him, why wouldn't you take the time to have Harry gain some kind of consent? There's barely any words between them before this happens, and certainly no dialogue of interest. Seems like bad porn to me. I like for it to be at least slightly realistic.
And what was that bit about the Potion assignment? Are we to glean that her Sadeo potion has somehow affected Harry's normally sweet disposition?
The motivations were lacking, imo. But you gave it a nice effort.
And what was that bit about the Potion assignment? Are we to glean that her Sadeo potion has somehow affected Harry's normally sweet disposition?
The motivations were lacking, imo. But you gave it a nice effort.