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for Dementor Kiss

by Ladtheove

schedule October 19, 2011 at 12:00 AM

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schedule October 16, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I'm guessing its a linguistic issue, since you don't seem to be a native speaker, but your writing style is very difficult to read. It seems like you have a decent plot and you are conveying action in a relatively gripping way but the actual phrasing etc is very distracting in places. Please don't be upset by this but I suggest getting a beta to iron out the language kings in the final draft. E.g. when talking about Hermione you have used he instead of she several times. At first I thought you were talking about Harry or Ron. Then there are some places where I did not actually understand what was supposedly happening because it was not clear from the context. e.g. the part about the ministry - scream! and disapparate. Then you missed necessary words in places - e.g. when you are asking to be shown to malfoy's cell.
All in all - its quite frustrating since the vague impression of the story is enough to make me want to read it, but reading it requires a LOT of processing.
schedule October 16, 2011 at 12:00 AM
OMG you're back!!! I didn't hope for it anymore. So glad I was wrong 'cause I really, really, really love this story. The plot it's great, I've never read something like this. Azkaban and the Dementors always fascinated me, but there aren't many stories about them as real characters, obviously. And Draco as a white Dementor is melting me.
Please don't stop writing this story. Hope to read another chapter soon. Kisses
schedule April 2, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I absolutely love this!
The sole idea of this story is as intrigueing as it is facinating...!
The white dementor concept is wonderful, as well as this whole Azkaban tour the trio are having there.

True, there are some grammer errors, but none which interferes with catching the idea of each chapter =)

Can't wait for the next chapter! -Joy.
schedule March 30, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Woho new chapter!! I'm am very very intrigued with Draco, I knew he was the white dementor! Also they where quite a few spelling errors, suggest you re-read the chap again. Great work! KUDOS can't wait for more, I am dying for some Harry/Draco interaction. ;p
schedule March 14, 2011 at 12:00 AM
YAY!! Love the chapter, can't really wait for this story to actually star I'm really looking forward to the White Dementor! KUDOS once again and please update soon. ;)
schedule March 14, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Great story! I love it. It's intriguing, misteryous, really well written and full of suspance... and Draco was there only few moments in the first part... I can't wait to see him more!
Update, update, update. Kisses
schedule March 14, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Yay!!! ;) Can't wait for the next!!
schedule March 13, 2011 at 12:00 AM
dementor animagus?...cool
schedule January 26, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story. Great plot. And you've done a beautiful translation.