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January 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
YAY!!!!!!!
(happy sigh!)
ok its a wee bit weird that they're ALL death eaters - but I can totally swallow it.
Waiting anxiously for more
(happy sigh!)
ok its a wee bit weird that they're ALL death eaters - but I can totally swallow it.
Waiting anxiously for more
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January 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Loved how she pwned Lucius and all. But the Lucius comments were definitely the funniest and so "on the mark". They made me laugh, all right.
Ahh, extra credit for making fun of the lemon drops. XDDD
Hands out cookies.
Ermmm... I don't have any questions so far, it's a bit early in the story for pounding the author with questions. Hmmm... *thinks about it*
Well, I could think of one: why such a one-sided group? Only one female and besides Hermione all DEs is somewhat limiting yourself in your ability to cause mayhem among them. Especially since they're bound to be held in check by Voldemort (eh, they're not likely to forget that someday he's going to get his magic back and curse them into oblivion if they disobey him). It's also not likely with Merlin's objectives in mind that he only picked one woman. But that's just one thought I had.
Other than that, I am really enjoying the story.
xx Nerys
Ahh, extra credit for making fun of the lemon drops. XDDD
Hands out cookies.
Ermmm... I don't have any questions so far, it's a bit early in the story for pounding the author with questions. Hmmm... *thinks about it*
Well, I could think of one: why such a one-sided group? Only one female and besides Hermione all DEs is somewhat limiting yourself in your ability to cause mayhem among them. Especially since they're bound to be held in check by Voldemort (eh, they're not likely to forget that someday he's going to get his magic back and curse them into oblivion if they disobey him). It's also not likely with Merlin's objectives in mind that he only picked one woman. But that's just one thought I had.
Other than that, I am really enjoying the story.
xx Nerys
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January 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
This is a really excellent premise for a story and I think you have a good grasp of characterization. The figural narration from Hermione's POV is really well-done, we get both factual descriptions combined with her perspective and also inner feelings. What I think your story would really profit from is a good beta. :) There are a few spelling/grammar mistakes and some additional punctuation would create the appropriate pauses in the text so one sentence/thought/event wouldn't merge quite so much with the next. The way it is now resembles a train-of-thought which is a bit difficult to follow.
Also, you might consider elaborating a bit on Hermione's take on the Dark Arts and her not feeling regret for the people who have passed on - that is a bit OOC so I think it would warrant a more thorough explanation in order to make it seem more natural for Hermione - I'm sure it could work pretty well though in the end. Usually authors foreground her thirst for knowledge, and sometimes her logical faculty which prevents her otherwise strong moral sense from taking over. After all, the light and the dark are in itself not necessarily also the good and the evil, both can be used both ways. Also, if she's not sad for the people dying, I'm sure she'd be just a little sad that she won't get to spend time with them anymore, but that sadness obviously wouldn't cripple her. Or she could be feeling crippled by the sadness, but run away from the emotion into solving the problem of the plague and refusing to think about the deaths of her friends. It would eventually catch up with her, but by then so many things could have happened that the grief would no longer be overwhelming.
You know, I think this is one of the most intriguing plots I've read so far, soooo many possibilities! What if Harry dies and only a few people remain, then it will be imperative to let go of the Pureblood/Mudblood nonsense and just repopulate the wizarding race. :) And then you get a whole new dynamic, characters can get whole new roles to fulfill, etc.
Also, you might consider elaborating a bit on Hermione's take on the Dark Arts and her not feeling regret for the people who have passed on - that is a bit OOC so I think it would warrant a more thorough explanation in order to make it seem more natural for Hermione - I'm sure it could work pretty well though in the end. Usually authors foreground her thirst for knowledge, and sometimes her logical faculty which prevents her otherwise strong moral sense from taking over. After all, the light and the dark are in itself not necessarily also the good and the evil, both can be used both ways. Also, if she's not sad for the people dying, I'm sure she'd be just a little sad that she won't get to spend time with them anymore, but that sadness obviously wouldn't cripple her. Or she could be feeling crippled by the sadness, but run away from the emotion into solving the problem of the plague and refusing to think about the deaths of her friends. It would eventually catch up with her, but by then so many things could have happened that the grief would no longer be overwhelming.
You know, I think this is one of the most intriguing plots I've read so far, soooo many possibilities! What if Harry dies and only a few people remain, then it will be imperative to let go of the Pureblood/Mudblood nonsense and just repopulate the wizarding race. :) And then you get a whole new dynamic, characters can get whole new roles to fulfill, etc.
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January 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I like the idea. But your spelling and tense use is pretty bad. It's really off putting.
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January 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMFG that was brilliant even though the last part was pure evil. I officially love it keep going please.
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January 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Lots of potential here. Very interesting so far. I especially like SS and LM together with HG. Looking forward to the next chapter. p
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January 19, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Ooohhh I like it!! It is only a first chapter, but it has so many possibilities. I liked the part when she concluded she wasn't in her own bed. The ending was just plain mean, I want to know who there is (I can guess, but there are just too many bad guys to be certain). Can't wait to see what is next.
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January 19, 2011 at 12:00 AM
every interesting keep it going please
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January 19, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Interesting start. I am looking forward to the rest and their meeting. I take it the one "difficult" (cough, I can imagine, cough) to take is our favourite Lord? *snnnrks*
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January 19, 2011 at 12:00 AM
MOREMOREMORE
Have I ever mentioned that I'm an impatient snit. Ask Nerys. It's why I update so often.
I can see where you're going here and I can't wait to see who all is waiting outside the door.
SO QUICK QUICK!!! MORE!!
Have I ever mentioned that I'm an impatient snit. Ask Nerys. It's why I update so often.
I can see where you're going here and I can't wait to see who all is waiting outside the door.
SO QUICK QUICK!!! MORE!!