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March 10, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Hope you do more for this story but if not I thought I'd let you know I thought it was a great beginning
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January 8, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Hey,
I really like the plot so far, and I'm curious as to where you'll take it (or where it'll take you, depending on how you see it :P)!
There's one thing you should pay attention to, though - you're skipping from past tense to present tense and back, with no apparent reason for it. Pick one of the two, whichever you prefer, and stick to it, adapting the rest of the tenses to fit around it. This is not a flame, it's just a friendly piece of advice because I, being the sucker for grammar that I am, am thrown off the actual reading experience when I begin to wonder why you've suddenly shifted tenses.
Great job, though - keep it up, I'm really looking forward to reading more!
I really like the plot so far, and I'm curious as to where you'll take it (or where it'll take you, depending on how you see it :P)!
There's one thing you should pay attention to, though - you're skipping from past tense to present tense and back, with no apparent reason for it. Pick one of the two, whichever you prefer, and stick to it, adapting the rest of the tenses to fit around it. This is not a flame, it's just a friendly piece of advice because I, being the sucker for grammar that I am, am thrown off the actual reading experience when I begin to wonder why you've suddenly shifted tenses.
Great job, though - keep it up, I'm really looking forward to reading more!
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January 8, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Yay! My first review! :D Thanks for the advice! That's why I wanted people to review in the first place. :D I will try to work on that! :D