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December 6, 2010 at 12:00 AM
oh my, i can't wait to see what happens next! harry needs to get draco back for everything he did to him...maybe he should use his new physique & draco's attraction to his advantage. please update soon!
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September 12, 2010 at 12:00 AM
okay... i love this story but i almost didn't read it... simply b/c the summary. i tend to stay away from stories where the author tells you it's their first ever story b/c most are actually kinda bad. i can't really say much, b/c i've done that as well, but it does kinda put a reader off when the author has to warn you that it's their first story...
but! i love that this is non-magic! we dont get nearly enough of those. and i love that even with it being non-magic, everyone still has the bacis underlying personality traits from the book... lets face it, if Harry had not met Ron and Hermione in the books, his temper would've really hurt someone... that was clear from the 5th book when he had his fit in Dumbledores office.
please update soon!
but! i love that this is non-magic! we dont get nearly enough of those. and i love that even with it being non-magic, everyone still has the bacis underlying personality traits from the book... lets face it, if Harry had not met Ron and Hermione in the books, his temper would've really hurt someone... that was clear from the 5th book when he had his fit in Dumbledores office.
please update soon!
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September 11, 2010 at 12:00 AM
This is an interesting idea. I'd like to see where you take it. Right now it's still a little short for me to have an
opinion of it but somethings I think you should pay more attention to is spelling and grammar, sometimes these errors
can bring someone out of a really good story.
opinion of it but somethings I think you should pay more attention to is spelling and grammar, sometimes these errors
can bring someone out of a really good story.
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September 10, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Thank you!!!! I soooo can't wait for chapter 4!!! Oh Draco! Your just desserts has arrived!!!
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September 9, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I think that the bike shorts thing is a bit odd and out of character.
Gym shorts, basketball shorts, or leaving it to the imagination of
the reader would be better. I think so anyway. Otherwise I'm
Enjoying so far.
Gym shorts, basketball shorts, or leaving it to the imagination of
the reader would be better. I think so anyway. Otherwise I'm
Enjoying so far.
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September 9, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Ahhh I knew Harry was gonna turn into a stud! Now I wonder if he'll give Draco a black eye? ;)
Excellent work!
Excellent work!
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September 9, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I read in the summary that you're looking for constructive reviews. So here goes:
The story sounds empty, bitchy, and the characters don't have much depth (meaning they don't seem to be able to present more than a single passionate persona at the time). I understand Draco and his little friends from highschool gave Harry a hard time just for being different, and that's okay. Life is Hell in highschool for a lot of kids and the teens have a very narrow vision of their environment at that time. But now, four years later... Draco doesn't seem to have changed much and he still appears to be a terrible and cruel person, unable to feel remorse. He doesn't have any moral standards but his dick. He should have been able to mature, to change. Heck, he should have felt terrible anger at Harry, who tried to burn down his home. But right now, he's thinking about the same "Piggy Potter" insults as he used to say 4 years ago!
And Harry... one of the things military school should have taught him is 1) how to accept himself and 2) how to accept that other people can and WILL be serious pain in the arse, and how to cope with those people as they come. Not... being unforgiving, holding huge childhood grudges and planning ridiculous revenge for long past events (for which he already tried to take revenge for by burning Draco's house, mind you). Where's the forgiveness? I mean, 4 years is a lot of time to give a little thought to his past actions, to judge if they were necessary, if it really was indeed well deserved, if what Draco made him endure really mattered. The Harry I read up until now seems to be stuck in his old way of thinking, way back during highschool. With more muscles and less fat. Bleh.
Over all... the characters must be developped. They are complicated and multi-faced beings that SHOULD change over time if you will let them, and I believe you can.
The story sounds empty, bitchy, and the characters don't have much depth (meaning they don't seem to be able to present more than a single passionate persona at the time). I understand Draco and his little friends from highschool gave Harry a hard time just for being different, and that's okay. Life is Hell in highschool for a lot of kids and the teens have a very narrow vision of their environment at that time. But now, four years later... Draco doesn't seem to have changed much and he still appears to be a terrible and cruel person, unable to feel remorse. He doesn't have any moral standards but his dick. He should have been able to mature, to change. Heck, he should have felt terrible anger at Harry, who tried to burn down his home. But right now, he's thinking about the same "Piggy Potter" insults as he used to say 4 years ago!
And Harry... one of the things military school should have taught him is 1) how to accept himself and 2) how to accept that other people can and WILL be serious pain in the arse, and how to cope with those people as they come. Not... being unforgiving, holding huge childhood grudges and planning ridiculous revenge for long past events (for which he already tried to take revenge for by burning Draco's house, mind you). Where's the forgiveness? I mean, 4 years is a lot of time to give a little thought to his past actions, to judge if they were necessary, if it really was indeed well deserved, if what Draco made him endure really mattered. The Harry I read up until now seems to be stuck in his old way of thinking, way back during highschool. With more muscles and less fat. Bleh.
Over all... the characters must be developped. They are complicated and multi-faced beings that SHOULD change over time if you will let them, and I believe you can.
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September 7, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 3!!! I hope Harry is HOT!!!! Please please make Draco and his little posse want Harry!!! Oh please!!! A little revenge if you don't mind!!!
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September 5, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Please continue with this unique idea.
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September 5, 2010 at 12:00 AM
when you are going back and forth on draco and harry can you state who's talking(POV) also good story continue plz.