rate_review Reviews

Such a cute story and I love how adorable you have made Draco and Harry together.

chapter 7 please!!!

Oooookay. You seemed to come to a screeching halt when it has come to progress... I know explaining is hard to do, but I don't see evidence that you even tried. With you just telling the story, I found myself not really caring about the characters at all. This is not a flame, I do like your idea, and want the story to shine as it should. If you need help with describing, ask your beta, she's there to help.

Soooo need chapter 6!!! Poor Draco!!! How horrible!!! Why doesn't Lucius think Draco is his son?

OI like this alot I hope to see more soon@!

Well, well...much better. This chapter was much easier to read and understand, good job. Now that you've improved the grammar, it's time to work on flow. The difference between a story and a news report, is that stories explain, and reports tell. Try to use more descriptive words. If Malfoy whispers into Harry's ear, HOW does he whisper? Is it soft and sweet? Seductive? Low and nervous? Being descriptive helps draw the reader into the story, and helps set a mood and tone. It gives life to the story, makes it exciting and fun to read. It's also more fun to write! Give it a go, can't wait to see what you do next!

Chapter 5 please!!!!

If you like i could correct your work too..i think it is harder for the author to find all faults because you know the story yourself and your brain is somehow overlaying that what is written with bits of your imagination(where are no faults) and you miss errors this way.

Happend to me a couple of times..i wrote something and thought words, but did not write them or mixed them up with an other word which would have followed.

Well, you have a good idea going, but to be honest, it is painful to read. I see many people are suggesting a beta reader, and I think that not only is that a good idea, but you really should learn basic writing yourself. I saw many mistakes a good writing processor would catch. Also...please get a better grip on everyone's personality. I know some ooc is needed sometimes, but that was a touch too much. You do have a good story, but I almost didn't read it because of the summary alone. As it is, if the writing doesn't improve, I might still drop it. I don't want to see you lose readers. Again, your idea is good, you just need to tweak your writing before you post.

I love it and i cant wait for more. a bit of advice though. get some one to proof read/beta your story a bit of help in your spelling and grammar eroors could go a long way in improving your story.