errorYou must be logged in to review this story.
schedule
June 4, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I like it and i can't wait to read more. I hope you don't stop writing. I can't wait to see where this story is going. Thanks for writing for avid readers like me.
schedule
June 4, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I think you've got an interesting and intriguing beginning and I look forward to more of it. Thanks! HG4eva
schedule
June 4, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I like the idea of your story and I like the direction you've mapped out but switching points of view back and forth within a single paragraph can be a bit confusing for us poor readers. I hope you don't think this is a negative review because it isn't. I like the plot, etc... but maybe you could think about dividing up the switches in p.o.v? Maybe alternate chapters or something?
Cheers and Good Luck!
Cheers and Good Luck!
schedule
June 4, 2010 at 12:00 AM
This story is pretty interesting. Can't wait to see where this leads, so please update soon. :) Oh, and in regards to POV another reviewer suggested, please don't do a chapter for each point of view. Sometimes when that happens it takes forever for the author to update and the reader forgets what happened in the first place. I personally didn't find anything wrong and was able to follow who thought or said what, but if you are going to seperate point of views just use a line or state "Draco's POV" and such. I like it when both point of views are in the same paragraph and switch off, but that's just me. :)
schedule
June 4, 2010 at 12:00 AM
It's a decent start.
This line from your story should be your summary, I think. It's effective.
"This was too much, she told herself. Their noses were almost touching and if she just moved her head forward she could get what she wanted. She could get those lips on her." Then, behind that, just say "Draco/Hermione" (or any of the numerous abbreviations for the pairing).
You've intrigued me with a few poignant word choices, but I'll wait for future chapters to see if that was deliberate :)
This line from your story should be your summary, I think. It's effective.
"This was too much, she told herself. Their noses were almost touching and if she just moved her head forward she could get what she wanted. She could get those lips on her." Then, behind that, just say "Draco/Hermione" (or any of the numerous abbreviations for the pairing).
You've intrigued me with a few poignant word choices, but I'll wait for future chapters to see if that was deliberate :)
schedule
June 4, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I like it!
schedule
June 4, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I like it!! :D I rarely find them, but I love those twisted stories where hermione is in love with Draco and he's an abusive and minipulating asshole. So kudos to you for a great idea and good writing (which also seems to be rare here)!! This feels like the most awkward request, but pleeeeaasseeee make Draco abusive. I do not know why, but stories like those fascinate me to no end (plus great sex, but who doesn't like that?).
You get points. :)
-Shireen
Oh, and UPDATE.
You get points. :)
-Shireen
Oh, and UPDATE.