rate_review Reviews

Plz write more soon

Please keep writing the story, it's quite good and I wanna know who is going to fuck and humiliate harry next.

Excelent plot and now that you've divided the chapters are divided in paragraph it can be read even more easily -as it isn't as dense as before. Yet, I still have a piece of advice for you: Check the mistakes you make and use more punctuation as well as check where you use punctuation. For instance, in chapter 5 when you describe harry's fucking you write "apart every few minutes Voldemort..." You imply that before Voldemort there is a stop for you start the next sentence with a capital letter. Yet you don't punctuate there. If you want to be a good writer, you need to make approppriate use of punctuation.Another thing, if you want to make your story more believable don't rusth it. When in the first chapter you wrote " Voldemort considered using his faithful death eaters the Weasleys (by the way, there is also punctuation missing there)...and then there was the fact that his wayward daughter Hermione..." is too rushed. The fact that Hermione is his daughter is not so rushed, but that all and I emphasize all the Weasleys are his death eaters is much too much too soon. Ease into that fact. Start with one or two of the Weasleys and then for one reason or another add the rest of the family. At least in my opinion that would make your story ten times better than it already is and you lose nothing but just modify it a bit.

hi,

interesting story. hope there'll be a lot of action *wink*wink*

Good start! Cant wait to read the next chapter =]