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February 23, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 8
I guess you missed a / in the <>, because the whole chapter is underlined and it's rather annoying to read. It's such a silly thing, but I thought I should point it out for you so you can change it.
Otherwise, the excitement is growing! I'm guessing it was Iris Parkinson that poisoned Hermione. Tom did say he would give the order not to let anyone else touch her, so I guess he has done something to Iris :) Not that I mind...
Oooh, and I wonder what happened to Ginny! What will they do to her? Well, I guess I just have to continue to read and find out!
I guess you missed a / in the <>, because the whole chapter is underlined and it's rather annoying to read. It's such a silly thing, but I thought I should point it out for you so you can change it.
Otherwise, the excitement is growing! I'm guessing it was Iris Parkinson that poisoned Hermione. Tom did say he would give the order not to let anyone else touch her, so I guess he has done something to Iris :) Not that I mind...
Oooh, and I wonder what happened to Ginny! What will they do to her? Well, I guess I just have to continue to read and find out!
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February 23, 2010 at 12:00 AM
chapter 9
Iiih! Scary, Tom did something against Ginny! I wonder if she will be okay... strangely enough, I don't care so much for her in this story. She is quite boring. Or well, maybe that is not strange, I usually don't care much for her... oh, well. I hope Hermione will do something that makes her get physical with Tom soon :D
Oh, and you must have missed a / in the <> in this chapter as well... at the end of the chapter, everything is in that leaning-to-the-side style. Just thought I should point it out! Great chapter!
Iiih! Scary, Tom did something against Ginny! I wonder if she will be okay... strangely enough, I don't care so much for her in this story. She is quite boring. Or well, maybe that is not strange, I usually don't care much for her... oh, well. I hope Hermione will do something that makes her get physical with Tom soon :D
Oh, and you must have missed a / in the <> in this chapter as well... at the end of the chapter, everything is in that leaning-to-the-side style. Just thought I should point it out! Great chapter!
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February 23, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 13.
Er... okay, I think you did a typo in this; in the former chapters you have written that they are in 1944, but now you wrote that they were in 1945. And also, didn't Draco just tell Hermione and Harry that Tom wasn't a Legilimency yet? Hm... I know all about forgetting things you have written, so I thought I should point it out.
Otherwise, mehe! Harry and Dumbledore are finally gone! Leaving Hermione and Tom alone to do naughty stuff. At least I hope they will do naughty stuff together :D
Oh, and now Hermione finds out it was Iris... ah, better late than never. I'm still waiting for her to get so angry she will confront Tom... although, how she will explain why she is suspecting him will be hard... oh, anyway. Great chapter! I love the tension between Hermione and Tom. Sweet.
Er... okay, I think you did a typo in this; in the former chapters you have written that they are in 1944, but now you wrote that they were in 1945. And also, didn't Draco just tell Hermione and Harry that Tom wasn't a Legilimency yet? Hm... I know all about forgetting things you have written, so I thought I should point it out.
Otherwise, mehe! Harry and Dumbledore are finally gone! Leaving Hermione and Tom alone to do naughty stuff. At least I hope they will do naughty stuff together :D
Oh, and now Hermione finds out it was Iris... ah, better late than never. I'm still waiting for her to get so angry she will confront Tom... although, how she will explain why she is suspecting him will be hard... oh, anyway. Great chapter! I love the tension between Hermione and Tom. Sweet.
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February 23, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 14
Eh... okay, this whole chapter is in bold. I'm guessing the change-of-style in texts aren't working really for you? Hope you find a way to edit it!
Haha, and it's quite funny that everyone thinks Tom is Hermione's boyfriend. I just wish they would actually spice things up... oh, well. Hope those annoying girls will push Hermione into Tom's arms more times ^^ We like that.
Great chapter!
Eh... okay, this whole chapter is in bold. I'm guessing the change-of-style in texts aren't working really for you? Hope you find a way to edit it!
Haha, and it's quite funny that everyone thinks Tom is Hermione's boyfriend. I just wish they would actually spice things up... oh, well. Hope those annoying girls will push Hermione into Tom's arms more times ^^ We like that.
Great chapter!
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February 23, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 16
Oh, the UST... the UST... they should be shagging like bunnies right now! I want them shagging!
Pretty please with a cherry on top?
Really enjoyed this chapter, you are very good at writing intimidating!Tom.
I really should go to bed now...
hm, but there are one more chapter... oh, dilemma...
Oh, the UST... the UST... they should be shagging like bunnies right now! I want them shagging!
Pretty please with a cherry on top?
Really enjoyed this chapter, you are very good at writing intimidating!Tom.
I really should go to bed now...
hm, but there are one more chapter... oh, dilemma...
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February 23, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Okay. Just want to say GO SHAGGING ALREADY!
What do you mean I should get myself a sex-life and not live it out through fanfiction? Sigh...
Oh, and Draco was very sweet in this chapter :) But I think Black was interrupting. I want to know what Tom will do with Hermione! Iwannawannawannawanna!
Boo.... I guess I should go to bed now... it's pretty late...
excellent chapter!
What do you mean I should get myself a sex-life and not live it out through fanfiction? Sigh...
Oh, and Draco was very sweet in this chapter :) But I think Black was interrupting. I want to know what Tom will do with Hermione! Iwannawannawannawanna!
Boo.... I guess I should go to bed now... it's pretty late...
excellent chapter!
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February 22, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 2
Oooh, how exciting! I wonder who that was that sent them back in time. My money is on a Death Eater, so far, but something tells me I'll change my mind after a while.
The dialogue in this chapter was much more suitable as well, even if I was surprised Draco didn't throw more insults at them. Oh, well, I guess he was too busy cursing Harry, haha! And I loved how you didn't use the old Time-Turner trick to push them back in time, and Dumbledore's reasoning for how they would suite in was quite believable. For it to be very believable, I guess they would have talked more, but that would have been very boring to read, so I'm glad you choose to just state that it would be best for them to say at school and change their last name as long as it would take for Dumbledore to find a way to return them.
Giggles on Ginny's choice of last name ;)
Great chapter! Take care!
Oooh, how exciting! I wonder who that was that sent them back in time. My money is on a Death Eater, so far, but something tells me I'll change my mind after a while.
The dialogue in this chapter was much more suitable as well, even if I was surprised Draco didn't throw more insults at them. Oh, well, I guess he was too busy cursing Harry, haha! And I loved how you didn't use the old Time-Turner trick to push them back in time, and Dumbledore's reasoning for how they would suite in was quite believable. For it to be very believable, I guess they would have talked more, but that would have been very boring to read, so I'm glad you choose to just state that it would be best for them to say at school and change their last name as long as it would take for Dumbledore to find a way to return them.
Giggles on Ginny's choice of last name ;)
Great chapter! Take care!
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February 22, 2010 at 12:00 AM
chapter 3
I'm really starting to wonder how Hermione will get together with Tom. I mean, I know they will somehow because the story is in the Hermione/Voldemort section :P He is much less talkative than I would have imagined, but I guess that will come later. Mehe. Joseph and Gareth seem to be funny fellows. Although, a bit annoying somehow. To chipper. I don't trust overly joyful persons... They usually have something to hide... hmhm...
And Harry seemed a bit dumb so far... like he was in the fifth HP-book. With the not realising he shouldn't appear to be knowing anything about Hogwarts and the wanting to hex Draco all the time. Haha, it reminds me of that youtube-clip Harry Potter in 5 seconds. Have you seen it? It's hilarious!
Oh, well, good chapter, but not as good as the first two. I think this was one of those chapters you just need to get through to get to the real good chapters. Like a transportation. Not much happening, but you still have to do it. Take care!
I'm really starting to wonder how Hermione will get together with Tom. I mean, I know they will somehow because the story is in the Hermione/Voldemort section :P He is much less talkative than I would have imagined, but I guess that will come later. Mehe. Joseph and Gareth seem to be funny fellows. Although, a bit annoying somehow. To chipper. I don't trust overly joyful persons... They usually have something to hide... hmhm...
And Harry seemed a bit dumb so far... like he was in the fifth HP-book. With the not realising he shouldn't appear to be knowing anything about Hogwarts and the wanting to hex Draco all the time. Haha, it reminds me of that youtube-clip Harry Potter in 5 seconds. Have you seen it? It's hilarious!
Oh, well, good chapter, but not as good as the first two. I think this was one of those chapters you just need to get through to get to the real good chapters. Like a transportation. Not much happening, but you still have to do it. Take care!
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February 20, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Hi there! So, I finally came around to read one of your own fic. I really like the Gold Puppet (as you may have noticed) so I thought that since you were one of the co-writer, you have to be a good writer on your own as well! And Nerys told me you were... and I trust her judgement with these sort of things ^^
Okay, so I don't have so much to say about this first chapter. It's exciting enough, creates a lot of questions, like, how did they get there, what will happen between them and Tom and so on. Really good, a lot to build a plot on! And I also like the way you describe the scenery, very colourful and poetic!
The only thing I find negative in this chapter is your choice of word in the dialogue. You finished some sentences with "already". Ones with Pomfrey and ones with Hermione. I just didn't feel like it fitted either of them. It's sound so... teenagey. Like, I could totally see Lavender say it in those sentences, but not those two. Perhaps someone else have already pointed this out and you have changed it had that in mind in later chapters.... I just thought that it could be a thing to work on. I read your profile on this page and you seem to be one of those wonderful persons who realise they aren't perfect, doesn't really care, but try to become more perfect where it matters. So, sometime the wording in the dialogue could be better, but I loved Draco's and Harry's argument, that was so in character. And I really enjoyed how dark and controlling Tom was. Mehe, that is bound to be good! And also, very in character. I bet he must feel very angry of being hurt. It was sooo funny that they fell right on top of him. That has to mean something, but what...
Oh, as I said, the plot is really exciting so far! I'll see how many chapters I manages to read tonight, and I'll put in a comment here and there when I feel like I have to ^^
Toodles!
Okay, so I don't have so much to say about this first chapter. It's exciting enough, creates a lot of questions, like, how did they get there, what will happen between them and Tom and so on. Really good, a lot to build a plot on! And I also like the way you describe the scenery, very colourful and poetic!
The only thing I find negative in this chapter is your choice of word in the dialogue. You finished some sentences with "already". Ones with Pomfrey and ones with Hermione. I just didn't feel like it fitted either of them. It's sound so... teenagey. Like, I could totally see Lavender say it in those sentences, but not those two. Perhaps someone else have already pointed this out and you have changed it had that in mind in later chapters.... I just thought that it could be a thing to work on. I read your profile on this page and you seem to be one of those wonderful persons who realise they aren't perfect, doesn't really care, but try to become more perfect where it matters. So, sometime the wording in the dialogue could be better, but I loved Draco's and Harry's argument, that was so in character. And I really enjoyed how dark and controlling Tom was. Mehe, that is bound to be good! And also, very in character. I bet he must feel very angry of being hurt. It was sooo funny that they fell right on top of him. That has to mean something, but what...
Oh, as I said, the plot is really exciting so far! I'll see how many chapters I manages to read tonight, and I'll put in a comment here and there when I feel like I have to ^^
Toodles!
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February 16, 2010 at 12:00 AM
And here I was, checking this last chapter (16) here, in good hopes it would be ... "different" from the FFnet version.
*SOBS.*
IT WASN'T!!!
Oh well, still a great chapter... even without them doing it like bunnies. ROFLMAO!
Update soon, pretty please.
*SOBS.*
IT WASN'T!!!
Oh well, still a great chapter... even without them doing it like bunnies. ROFLMAO!
Update soon, pretty please.