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August 17, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Hmm this story is a bit odd. BUT GOOD! Can't wait for an update!
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April 16, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I really enjoyed the story. It is a great concept but there are a ton of basic grammar and spelling errors that detract from it. As I have had to do in the past with my own work, find a beta who will re-vamp your early chapters, it is a god send. Make your story all it can be and more (which I know you have in you!) with a great re-edit. I wait with bated breath! ~Tem
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March 9, 2010 at 12:00 AM
wow, this all happens so fast and its so ooc
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March 5, 2010 at 12:00 AM
To be honest I think your story needs a lot work. The flow and rhythm just aren't there. If you don't have a beta I would suggest getting one. There are a fair few grammar, spelling and using the wrong word (ie you're and your).
The way you started with both of them realising they think the other is hot, didn't ring right. The relationship seems rushed and Hermione is acting like she's doped up on smack or something. It might be an idea to explain to us why she's acting so strangely.
The story has some potential, if you're having trouble getting enough time on a computer, try writing your chapters in a notebook first. That way you won't be rushed and can hone your chapters without worrying about time.
The whole Ginny jealousy thing has potential and would be a good major conflict to focus on. Keep on trying.
The way you started with both of them realising they think the other is hot, didn't ring right. The relationship seems rushed and Hermione is acting like she's doped up on smack or something. It might be an idea to explain to us why she's acting so strangely.
The story has some potential, if you're having trouble getting enough time on a computer, try writing your chapters in a notebook first. That way you won't be rushed and can hone your chapters without worrying about time.
The whole Ginny jealousy thing has potential and would be a good major conflict to focus on. Keep on trying.
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March 4, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Now I am starting to get the hang of this fic... Still need to know about Shane and Blaise in the mixture, if they are this will become a very intresting combination.......... More please!
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March 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Still a little confuse here with Shane Blaise and Draco........ and this new powers like X men ...... but I will follow to see how it goes.........
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February 19, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Wow, so this started off decent.. and then kinda turned to shit.
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February 18, 2010 at 12:00 AM
ok update soon please....i love it so far and cant wait to find out whats going on...
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February 15, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Oh I am a little bid off track but hey I will tray to keep it up with your story
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February 14, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Ok, i just started reading this, and im gonna put a little in this review about every chapter I get through.
Second Chap:
Very OOC, but interesting. You've caught my attention enough to continue. Oh and Harry sending Malfoy a howler. TFF. LMAO.
Third Chap:
Ok, I love the silliness of this chapter. Hermione having a conversation with herself after passing out, it just hilarious. Most people will find it wierd but I am wierd so one with the show! er, next chapter.
Fourth Chap:
Ok, the pet names gotta go. And this is so way OOC. Its funny. but way OOC. Okay, planting a kiss on him just a few days into term? yeah, thats just crazy. I dunno if imma be able to keep reading this. And yeah, I kinda like the way you make Ginny seem jealous and mean. I seriously think she would be that way if she didnt get Harry and someone else did. She would just be bitter from then on.
Fifth:
(Sidenote: I just love babies, do you have a boy or girl? I want a girl myself. have 2 boys and they terrorize me every chance they get. LOL! ok back to reviewing.)
HAHAHAHAHA she friggin decked him! To funny! HOLY CRAP SHE HIT HARRY! WTF! Glad she put Ginny in her place.
Sixth:
Is Seamus gay in your story? Nevermind obviously not. HAHA! that note she changed was funny. Hippogriffs get to decide there sex? cool. Why does Ginny have classes with them? Isn't she a year below them? OMG! they put her in a box? DRACO TO THE RESCUE?!
Seventh:
Haha they made her look like a man. Not funny, but it is. Ok, why are they going to Dumbledore? I'm confused.
Eighth:
OMG! they raped her?! Ok, now she's a pureblood?! you really threw in a twist didnt cha? And a Slytherin? Wow.
Okay can you update soon? This is really wierd.
Second Chap:
Very OOC, but interesting. You've caught my attention enough to continue. Oh and Harry sending Malfoy a howler. TFF. LMAO.
Third Chap:
Ok, I love the silliness of this chapter. Hermione having a conversation with herself after passing out, it just hilarious. Most people will find it wierd but I am wierd so one with the show! er, next chapter.
Fourth Chap:
Ok, the pet names gotta go. And this is so way OOC. Its funny. but way OOC. Okay, planting a kiss on him just a few days into term? yeah, thats just crazy. I dunno if imma be able to keep reading this. And yeah, I kinda like the way you make Ginny seem jealous and mean. I seriously think she would be that way if she didnt get Harry and someone else did. She would just be bitter from then on.
Fifth:
(Sidenote: I just love babies, do you have a boy or girl? I want a girl myself. have 2 boys and they terrorize me every chance they get. LOL! ok back to reviewing.)
HAHAHAHAHA she friggin decked him! To funny! HOLY CRAP SHE HIT HARRY! WTF! Glad she put Ginny in her place.
Sixth:
Is Seamus gay in your story? Nevermind obviously not. HAHA! that note she changed was funny. Hippogriffs get to decide there sex? cool. Why does Ginny have classes with them? Isn't she a year below them? OMG! they put her in a box? DRACO TO THE RESCUE?!
Seventh:
Haha they made her look like a man. Not funny, but it is. Ok, why are they going to Dumbledore? I'm confused.
Eighth:
OMG! they raped her?! Ok, now she's a pureblood?! you really threw in a twist didnt cha? And a Slytherin? Wow.
Okay can you update soon? This is really wierd.