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March 8, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Please write more
schedule
September 26, 2009 at 12:00 AM
You asked for constructive criticism, so I'm going to try to provide a little.
1) I do agree with some that your story seems to move a little too quickly. Your characters move from one point to another without any clear impetus.
2) Plot cohesion and character develoment are two things you need to work on.
a) plot cohesion is when your story makes sense in itself - it doesn't contradict.
b) character development...where do I begin?
If Hermione were really a goddess in disguise, would she really return to her mortal form once she had discovered her true identity?
If Severus is fighting the effects of a lust potion, how is he suddenly in love with Hermione after the potion has been broken?
Why is Albus Dumbledore, the man who told Hermione to break the rules and use a time turner to save Sirius Black, going to expel Hogwarts' brightest witch?
Why is Severus suddenly so friendly with Minvera?
Why is Harry so easy to dismiss Hermione once she's gone just because Ron is?
Not only do these things not fit with basic characteristics of these individuals, but there's no development in your story that sees them moving from their usual actions to these that you want them to take.
The thing about fan fiction is this: It's *fan* fiction. Somebody already made the characters up, you're just bringing them out to play. If you're not going to play with the characters the way they were made, developing them in the way you want to tell your story, then rename them and call it an original work.
1) I do agree with some that your story seems to move a little too quickly. Your characters move from one point to another without any clear impetus.
2) Plot cohesion and character develoment are two things you need to work on.
a) plot cohesion is when your story makes sense in itself - it doesn't contradict.
b) character development...where do I begin?
If Hermione were really a goddess in disguise, would she really return to her mortal form once she had discovered her true identity?
If Severus is fighting the effects of a lust potion, how is he suddenly in love with Hermione after the potion has been broken?
Why is Albus Dumbledore, the man who told Hermione to break the rules and use a time turner to save Sirius Black, going to expel Hogwarts' brightest witch?
Why is Severus suddenly so friendly with Minvera?
Why is Harry so easy to dismiss Hermione once she's gone just because Ron is?
Not only do these things not fit with basic characteristics of these individuals, but there's no development in your story that sees them moving from their usual actions to these that you want them to take.
The thing about fan fiction is this: It's *fan* fiction. Somebody already made the characters up, you're just bringing them out to play. If you're not going to play with the characters the way they were made, developing them in the way you want to tell your story, then rename them and call it an original work.
schedule
September 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I like it. Please update soon.
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September 24, 2009 at 12:00 AM
This is excellnt. I look forward to reading more.
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September 23, 2009 at 12:00 AM
..I DON'T THINK THAT MCGONAGALL WOULD HAVE TRIED TO HEX FRED WEASLEY. It's just completely out of character and I don't buy it at all.
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September 23, 2009 at 12:00 AM
That was brilliant I really enjoyed the coffin and then the gloves and who would have thought that Ginny is Isis. The God of Prophecy I like it Ron's in big trouble hehe. You have truly written a wonderful story each time I read another chapter I am drawn further into this wonderful tale. Thank you so much I will be eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
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September 23, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I'm really liking this story very much. I can't wait for Ron to get his butt kicked. You know, I've read some of these reviews and one of them really bugs me and I'm not going to name who. But my advice to that person if you don't like the story...DON'T READ IT! Plain and simple. Okay I'm off my soap box for now. I look forward to the next update.
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September 23, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I can certainly see Severus wanting vengence, but I was surprised that he wants it through his child.
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September 22, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I'm looking forward to seeing Ron get Severus to lay down in a coffin...
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September 22, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Someone needs to kick Ron's A@@ what a cretin I can't wait to find out how things turn out with Severus and the coffin and I can't wait to find out the truth about Ginny sounds really exciting. Thanks so much your very quick with the updates every time I see a new chapter I sit at the computer squealing in happiness honestly I gave my partner a heart attack with this one he told me if I did it again he will ban me HA I say not gonna happen but I'm rambling so I'll just say I'm really looking forward to the next chapter so cheers once more and take it easy with your back. Take care.