rate_review Reviews

Grate  promise not that good of a delivery good for a first try or draft fix it up a little and it could be amazing like harry taking snape to see the kids as soon as he woke few other points maby ad some befor to show her falling for him befor the story began make some of the thoughts and conversations clearer add thoughts 

Okay, I'm sorry, but I just can't buy that a) Dumbledore wouldn't believe them, b) that the Malfoys would help Harry or Hermione in ANY way, c) that Hermione would name her baby after Slytherin, and that c) Snape would fall victim so easily to the Imperius curse when he was sufficiently powerful enough to resist Voldemort's Legilimency. And WTF? You can't tell that someone is pregnant after ONE day - it takes at least two weeks to implant and six weeks before a pregnancy test is positive (assuming you went by magical methods of detecting pregnancy, however, it would still take at least two weeks). This is just very choppy and poorly-written and the timeline is totally erratic and hard to follow. The first chapter is during the Yule Ball, the second chapter is two months later, and the third chapter is seven months after that? Like, what? Work on your writing a little bit, please, or at least get someone to proofread it before you submit it.

What a beautiful end I'm glad they had a happy ending thank you so much. It's so wonderful to see new writers I read A LOT and I always enjoy a new perspective and seeing someone who so clearly anjoys writing. I will obviously continue reading Strange Sixth Year but I also look forward to any more stories your muse and plot bunnies may compel you to write. Your a star keep up the good work. Here's a big hug from me to you. Cheers.

You tell him Hermione lol By the way loved the cat and dog chase at the end what a lovely and funny scene. Thanks for the story I really enjoyed this chapter.

I don't know how you do it two wonderful stories at the same time I'm really enjoying them both I would be hard pressed to choose a favorite I think that Dumbledore is in dire need of sorting out he's been terrible trying to get Snape sent to Azkhaban I can't wait until the next chapter thanks very much.

i like it so far cant wait to see what happens

Hello there =). I read the summary first, of course, and thought what a wonderful idea! However, what I read inside has me a bit confused. What point during the Yule Ball is this taking place? What is the motivation for the characters? What happened between the ball and her realizing she was pregnant?.....it seems a bit rushed. You might consider going back and fleshing it out instead of whizzing through it so quickly...there are major, wonderful, important things being left out that will turn readers off of a story that has a lot of potential.

Happy Writing,
S_G

love it cant wait to read more and yes it made me happy

I think you have potential as a writer but this story really needs to be fleshed out more. If you're aiming at a multi-chapter fic rather than a one-shot, you need to get a sense of your characters, ease your way into the story and whatever is happening in it. In this first chapter, the action is extremely rushed and there is not much sense of a cause for any events that take place. Karkaroff makes an off-hand remark about Snape eyeing Hermione, and hey presto, there is a bunch of students ready to imperio him. Snape rapes Hermione somewhere offstage, and hey presto, the next morning she is pregnant with a boy. There are no details to make the story interesting, pull the reader in. So, my advice would be, try to add more color to your characters, and try to give them believable motivation, don't rush to tell everything there is in a few paragraphs. There were several spelling mistakes, for example, I'm certain that the word you were going for was "rigid", not "ridged".

It's clear that you are a beginner, so I definitely see room for improvement. I would very much recommend reading some good fiction, both original and fanfiction, to see how writers work with characters and plot. Besides practising your own writing, that is the best way to gain more experience in the creative writing field. It would also be helpful to find a good beta, sometimes a second opinion can make a lot of difference. Good luck!