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October 1, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I do think it is interesting how you decided to have Harry kidnapped for him to find out his inheritance.
Now, while I do enjoy the story, I noticed some problems with your writing. Mainly, you tend to commit the traditional faux pas that quite a few fanfiction authors make: your for you're, etc. Remember, you're is for "you are" and your means something belongs to you.
Your dialogue can be rather sketchy at times, and though believable, not believable as it could be. For people like Sirius Black, you wouldn't find them saying "I am," but rather "I'm." Think of how you speak in real life, and apply those characteristics to your characters. Dialogue should flow and sound natural, both when spoken aloud, and when read.
Perhaps you should have your beta look over your chapters again, this time looking for commonly misused words and a lack of punctuation.
But otherwise, it is a very promising story, and I do look forward to more.
Now, while I do enjoy the story, I noticed some problems with your writing. Mainly, you tend to commit the traditional faux pas that quite a few fanfiction authors make: your for you're, etc. Remember, you're is for "you are" and your means something belongs to you.
Your dialogue can be rather sketchy at times, and though believable, not believable as it could be. For people like Sirius Black, you wouldn't find them saying "I am," but rather "I'm." Think of how you speak in real life, and apply those characteristics to your characters. Dialogue should flow and sound natural, both when spoken aloud, and when read.
Perhaps you should have your beta look over your chapters again, this time looking for commonly misused words and a lack of punctuation.
But otherwise, it is a very promising story, and I do look forward to more.
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September 21, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Stupid Fudge!!! Soooo need chapter 2!!!
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September 10, 2009 at 12:00 AM
awesomeness! i really like this so far.
Hieisdragoness18
Hieisdragoness18
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September 10, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Oh my. There will certainly be a convergence at the Dursley home later this evening. I wonder what they'll find. :)
Keep up the good work!
Keep up the good work!
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September 10, 2009 at 12:00 AM
This is really good so far! I cant wait to read more!
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September 10, 2009 at 12:00 AM
cool story
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September 10, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Interesting.
Curious who his kidnappers are.
Curious who his kidnappers are.