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September 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Great story...can you keep going and make a side Hermione/Viktor pairing??
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September 3, 2009 at 12:00 AM
finally a story with an un-common character as the staring female lead!
great idea, great story!
great idea, great story!
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September 3, 2009 at 12:00 AM
It was like two different stories. You start out...with two fourteen year-olds....building this sweet, little romantic scenario between these two kids, who *gosh* really, really like each other *big eyes*.
Then, after what starts out as an innocent first kiss (and would be the second one for Harry, the first with tongue), Pavarti is grabbing his cock and the two fourteen year olds are acting like they are in a porn movie, complete with dirty talk.
Yeah, a tad unbelievable. But your writing is decent enough, you just need to decide whether you want to write a teen romance or a PWP. The two tones you have going on here clash horribly.
Then, after what starts out as an innocent first kiss (and would be the second one for Harry, the first with tongue), Pavarti is grabbing his cock and the two fourteen year olds are acting like they are in a porn movie, complete with dirty talk.
Yeah, a tad unbelievable. But your writing is decent enough, you just need to decide whether you want to write a teen romance or a PWP. The two tones you have going on here clash horribly.