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August 30, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 1: Your sentences tend to run on without break and you don't break the sections where you change scenery. This is a good concept, and that the Dursley's want to try to make amends with Harry is always a refreshing break from the abusive stereotype. I've seen repentant Petunia and, on occasion, Dudley, but a story where Vernon wants to make things right, so rare it's almost unheard of. I hope you can find someone to help you clean this up.
schedule
August 30, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 2: This is unusual. I wonder how things will turn out. Is Tommy really desiring a truce? I forgot to mention in my last review, that you misspelled Grimmauld Place.
schedule
August 30, 2009 at 12:00 AM
HA! I love that name for the host. 'I'm Very Sorry' in Japanese. It's a kick. And Harry owns a restaurant. KEWL! I love that you made Cascada a witch. It makes things more fun. A friend of mine over at hpfandom.net (Roozette) claimed that Edward Norton and Brad Pitt were wizards in her story 'Things I'm Not Allowed to do at Hogwarts', she had Harry start a Fight Club.
schedule
August 29, 2009 at 12:00 AM
YAY! ...Now hurry up and move on, yes??
schedule
August 28, 2009 at 12:00 AM
YAY! Took you long enough, damn it! Grr, now I have to switch my favorite to this one so I can sign-in without having to fill in my name. Okay, TTFN!