rate_review Reviews

Hi there
I do like the concept of this fic, Dark fics are not my usual cup of tea but this definately has merit.
I can't read it though....'cos I need to have large text due to my rubbish eyesight. So it means I can't folow the story properly, due to scrolling across the screen from left to right constantly.
I really hope you can rectify this as I'd like to read more!
Blessings
Amethystique x

I like your summary but the page is too wide and it's too annoying to scroll across to read each line. I suggest you put less ***** in it so we dont have to scroll across..
Due to the need to scroll across i have not and will not read this story.

I like it. Please update soon.

I really like it.
I can absolutely imagine Snape becoming moodier and then taking it out on Neville.
Poor unsuspecting Neville.

nice. thanks for the update.

First of all, this story needs to be coded properly. While I have no such issues reading a rape story, others not expecting it- might. So please fix that for your unsuspecting reader. Also- I think due to the graphic level of the rape- it needs to be "adult++" not just "adult+" so also it would do you well to adjust that.

As far as the story itself goes, it has potential. I like the concept of Severus struggling against someone, but it seems unlikely- alcohol-fogged brain or not-- that he would so easily succumb to the Imperious curse. And perhaps my knowledge of the book is foggy but doesn't the person casting said Unforgiveable have to be in a close proximity or at least close range to maintain their hold over their cursee? This would raise a whole new field of problems/questions, as to who is in the room with them, etc.

I feel like Hermione would not necessarily have overviewed his body- yes you corrected her thoughts- but perhaps that can be given as author's description and not her taking in what he looks like. Her reaction to wanting to forgiven him seems fit, but his to seeing her, yes I know you were going for a cliff hanger- it just seems so overdone. "God what have I done?" who in this great world hasn't said that when they realize the ugly truth?

It has a lot of work to come, I'm certain. But so far I see potential. And please adjust your labels.

~CC

Well I think this is a really good start. I like the idea of SS being controlled from a distance instead of have the caster right there with him. This really opens the story up to go in a lot of different directions. I see that this is the first story you are posting so I just have two pieces of advice if I may be so bold: 1) this has obviously been a graphic start and the rest on the story has the potential to follow in the same direction. While I personally do not have a problem with this others might and in turn feel the need to share negative comments. I ask that you do not let this deter you from continuing the story. In the end it all comes down to personal opinions and prefers and anyone who does not like the direction you take does not have to continue reading. 2) The margins need to be adjusted. The text window is too wide and scrolling back and forth is really distracting. Unfortunately I have no idea how to fix this; hopefully you do and if you do not I am sure someone can tell you if you ask for some help from the readers. All in all really nice job, keep up the great work and please update as soon as can : )

I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry to say this. I've read a lot of traumatizing fic, but this is just... I have no words.

I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?

Hi. Good so far, interesting premis. Couple of things you might want to look at - the chapters are very wide which means readers have to scroll back and forth to read, which spoils it a little as it's distracting. Also, where you write 'maidenhood' I think you mean 'maidenhead'. The maidenhead is the hymen, maidenhood is a girls' childhood.

Keep writing, look forward to reading more!