schedule
July 30, 2009 at 12:00 AM
congrats on posting something for the first time. just some con-crit as you develop your stories:
- spacing - it was really hard to read your story, the graphs are monsters; I would edit and break them down - thoughts and spoken parts should be separated so they don't get lost.
- background - even if its a smutty one-shot, gives us a bit of background about your characters, just adds to your piece.
thank you for letting us know up front you had some Australian slang. I, personally, am a stickler about brit-picking and don't really like local colloqualisms (especially American, and I'm American) because, well, the characters are British. However, at least you let us know right up top what to expect, so thanks.
good luck with future fics!
- spacing - it was really hard to read your story, the graphs are monsters; I would edit and break them down - thoughts and spoken parts should be separated so they don't get lost.
- background - even if its a smutty one-shot, gives us a bit of background about your characters, just adds to your piece.
thank you for letting us know up front you had some Australian slang. I, personally, am a stickler about brit-picking and don't really like local colloqualisms (especially American, and I'm American) because, well, the characters are British. However, at least you let us know right up top what to expect, so thanks.
good luck with future fics!
schedule
July 30, 2009 at 12:00 AM
hahaha, I'm never going to be able to hear the playschool theme again without remembering that!
schedule
July 30, 2009 at 12:00 AM
That was cute....having never heard the actual song, the double-entendres were a bit lacking for me, but the visuals definitely made up for it. :D