schedule
December 14, 2010 at 12:00 AM
You are a sadistic freak. . .but I love it!!! I hope you update soon.
All my love The Maiden Lyra
maiden6of6the6dark@yahoo.com
All my love The Maiden Lyra
maiden6of6the6dark@yahoo.com
schedule
November 19, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Nice Job on this one--is there going to be more? Continue--you are doing an excellent job
schedule
November 9, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Umm. . . after making sure I got the decimals right, I laughed at how much money Harry has. The WORLD GDP (how mucgh money is made everywhere, all together, in one year) is around $53 trillion US. Harry has $547,215 trillion POUNDS. Just pointing it out. I am taking it in the spirit of humour and inconceivability.
schedule
October 25, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Love the story.
schedule
August 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM
[jabs a thick needle into your arm and injects the synthetic hormone inside into you] You did say you needed a shot of adrenaline, right? [looks sheepish] Oh...the story. So sorry.
Mechanically, you use the wrong word for things several times. It's mostly mixing up the "your"s and the "there"s. You know what I mean: the pesky duo of possessive "your" and contraction "you're" and the annoying trio of possessive "their", contraction "they're" and location "there". It's a common problem that a lot of people have. It also doesn't get picked up by a spelling and grammar check--meaning you have to look for them the old fashion way. Which I know from experience is tedious.
Also mechanically, you tell a lot in your story rather than showing. In some incidences, I understand this. You're wanting to gloss over it a bit while giving just enough details for the audience to understand your characters. But others--like the sex scenes and character introductions--would do well with a bit of added description. When you just say the barest details of a character, trusting that we know them from the canon, the audience misses out on your interpretation of the character's appearance and mannerisms. This is your story. I reading it because I want to see the characters through your eyes.
Thematically, I like what you have so far. You have interesting ideas about how the characters would act and interact. While you do ignore certain aspects of the canon characterization, you also explain why they are acting differently for the most part. (And as I stated above, if I wanted strictly canon, I'd read the books...fanfiction though the last couple were...)
I don't think slash would really work with how you have Harry in this story. That was a source of victimization for Harry, his lowest point. I don't think he'd seek that again. The only possible way I can see you working it in and still keeping true to your character, is for it to be a revenge fuck against Dudley. I really don't think Harry would go after Neville. (Though there is the interesting possibility of Harry sharing a witch with Neville...a reward perhaps, for loyal service?)
Well, I need to get. Keep up the good work. Can't wait for the next installment!
~M.A.S
(P.S. If the html doesn't work, I'm sorry for littering the review with it.)
Mechanically, you use the wrong word for things several times. It's mostly mixing up the "your"s and the "there"s. You know what I mean: the pesky duo of possessive "your" and contraction "you're" and the annoying trio of possessive "their", contraction "they're" and location "there". It's a common problem that a lot of people have. It also doesn't get picked up by a spelling and grammar check--meaning you have to look for them the old fashion way. Which I know from experience is tedious.
Also mechanically, you tell a lot in your story rather than showing. In some incidences, I understand this. You're wanting to gloss over it a bit while giving just enough details for the audience to understand your characters. But others--like the sex scenes and character introductions--would do well with a bit of added description. When you just say the barest details of a character, trusting that we know them from the canon, the audience misses out on your interpretation of the character's appearance and mannerisms. This is your story. I reading it because I want to see the characters through your eyes.
Thematically, I like what you have so far. You have interesting ideas about how the characters would act and interact. While you do ignore certain aspects of the canon characterization, you also explain why they are acting differently for the most part. (And as I stated above, if I wanted strictly canon, I'd read the books...fanfiction though the last couple were...)
I don't think slash would really work with how you have Harry in this story. That was a source of victimization for Harry, his lowest point. I don't think he'd seek that again. The only possible way I can see you working it in and still keeping true to your character, is for it to be a revenge fuck against Dudley. I really don't think Harry would go after Neville. (Though there is the interesting possibility of Harry sharing a witch with Neville...a reward perhaps, for loyal service?)
Well, I need to get. Keep up the good work. Can't wait for the next installment!
~M.A.S
(P.S. If the html doesn't work, I'm sorry for littering the review with it.)
schedule
July 22, 2010 at 12:00 AM
lol I hope to see more soon I would love to see where you take this story from hERE.
schedule
June 23, 2010 at 12:00 AM
wow that was awsome i live it ... please please update soon i would love to read more .. later for now
angel
angel
schedule
June 13, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Thank you for replying. This really is a good story. Is Luna gonna be a real slave? What does Hermionie think about how he has to treat Tonks? And that he asked her to change into her for sex?
schedule
June 11, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Can you please send me a message when you update this? Do you have this story on fanfiction.net? What is it called?
schedule
June 8, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Cool!
So when it vanished, was that like an instant fidelious?
So when it vanished, was that like an instant fidelious?