AFF Fiction Portal
person Elfwyn
schedule June 28, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I agree with Rainien about the beta. The misuse of words were a little bit annoying. As well as monarch instead of lord or aristocrat, there was also russet for Harry's hair. Harry was never a redhead, black/ebony in the books and brown/brunette in the movies, which you did get right at the very end. The spell was cool and the sex hot.
person Winky73
schedule June 26, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Very HOT!!! Abso-fr***in-lutely love love this threesome!
person Rainien
schedule June 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Not a bad fic. The spell was a good plot device to bring the three together. You could really do with a good beta. Verb tenses shifted several times from present to past. A monarch is a king/queen/emperor/empress; Lucius is none of these. The may sound picky, but theere's only one R in prostate. ProstRate (as you have it) is to humble yourself before someone, as the Death Eaters do before Voldemort. (Sorry, but that's a pet peeve of mine.) My suggestion is to find a beta - a GOOD one. Readers will have a much more enjoyable time with your fics.
person Elphaba
schedule June 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Damn that was HOT! Loved it!
person alma
schedule June 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Wow, that was totally hot!
person kunitsu
schedule June 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Definitely a hot one, loved it