schedule
April 21, 2009 at 12:00 AM
They want Harry to feel more like part of the pack? Maybe they should stop referring to him as 'the submissive' and stop treating him like breeding stock. That might be a good start.
schedule
April 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Would it really kill you to put the pup discriptions to the end of the chapter instead of making them a so called 'chapter' of their own...?
Also, you should try to add more detail to things, like what the ceremony was like, how Harry fought to keep his pup, how the others got the pup away from him in the first place... Fenrirs and Dracos reactions, both mental and physical (meaning faceial expressions and body posture) when Harry started rubbing on them...
And their injuries, Harry must have caused at least some when they had to subdue him! He is a werewolf after all...!
This is all meant as friendly critic, not to put you down, if you need a beta to help with these things, I'm free at the moment, feel free to contact me.
This story has potential, serious potential, so don't give up on it, keep up the good work and update soon!
Also, you should try to add more detail to things, like what the ceremony was like, how Harry fought to keep his pup, how the others got the pup away from him in the first place... Fenrirs and Dracos reactions, both mental and physical (meaning faceial expressions and body posture) when Harry started rubbing on them...
And their injuries, Harry must have caused at least some when they had to subdue him! He is a werewolf after all...!
This is all meant as friendly critic, not to put you down, if you need a beta to help with these things, I'm free at the moment, feel free to contact me.
This story has potential, serious potential, so don't give up on it, keep up the good work and update soon!
schedule
April 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I think this is a good story and it is getting better as it goes along. I would love to see longer chapters and less sudden shifts in POV. It makes it harder to focus on the story when I have to suddenly remember that I'm switching from 3rd perseon POV to Harry's POV. I think a little more work and this will be a killer story. I already feel so bad for poor Harry and want to see Draco and Fenrir suffer.
schedule
April 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Wow i have been looking forward to this and hope the nextt part comes soon. the Alpha and Beta have a lot to answer for, and Harry has a lot to recover from. He has no idea how the were soiety works does he?
schedule
April 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
update soon
wow
wow
schedule
April 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
good chapter
schedule
April 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Hi you,
I absolutely linke your story.
And I hope that Fenrir and Draco pay for that, was they have done to Harry. (In one way or anather!)
They realy deserve it!!!!
But I also have a question.
Why did you write "For the pack to be strong they needed a unified front and until Harry and Faelan were fully integrated into the pack, the pack would appear weak to other packs and would be more likely to be attacked"
From that I see Harry never realy was integrated in the pack in the first place, or I'm wrong at that?
I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
I absolutely linke your story.
And I hope that Fenrir and Draco pay for that, was they have done to Harry. (In one way or anather!)
They realy deserve it!!!!
But I also have a question.
Why did you write "For the pack to be strong they needed a unified front and until Harry and Faelan were fully integrated into the pack, the pack would appear weak to other packs and would be more likely to be attacked"
From that I see Harry never realy was integrated in the pack in the first place, or I'm wrong at that?
I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
schedule
April 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
god, draco and fenrir deserves to have harry ignore them! *shudders*
schedule
April 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Still loving it!
schedule
April 19, 2009 at 12:00 AM
wow great chapter really great chapter. please update soon