schedule
July 17, 2010 at 12:00 AM
good chapter
schedule
July 17, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Hello!
Since your summary sounded very intruiging, I clicked on this and I really LIKED the idea of Nagas and Lamias (because Snakes are sexy^^). Your Dumbledore was really refreshing, because he wasn't plain evil but rather obsessed with doing what is right no matter the price. But unfortunately I have to agree with LadySybil here: Your story is very badly structured. The first chapter was still okay, but now it slowly getting ridiculous. I mean, HEDWIG POV?! What the hell?!
What I mean to say: You change the perspective WAY(!) too often and chose too many narrators as well. Harry, Snape, Voldemort those I can understand because they seem to be the protagonists. But Poppy, Dumbledore, Hermione, Hedwig?! I mean, a bird?!(By the way, you DO realize that animals don't have the same thinking patterns than humans?)
I just wanted to give you some advise on that. Don't change perspective more than once or twice a chapter. You can't really enjoy a story if you have to adapt to a new narrator every few sentences, (because that's an interruption of the 'flow' no matter how you do it.) Try to avoid explaining the actions of your antagonists (which seems to be Dumbledore) because then your reader's actually get to be surprised when their plans enfold and that would be nice, wouldn't it?
Try to connect the different scenes logically, try to explain the when, where, how of things. For example, how does Poppy meet Voldemort? How does she know where he is, how to contact him. You just said she was in school with but that doesn't really explain why they apparently kept in touch. Why does Ron flirt with Pansy of all people? In which year is Harry? You see, there are still a lot plotholes you need to work on...
Just so you know: I DO think this idea has the potential to be a good fanfiction. You just need to structure it and fleshen it up.
Fruehling
Since your summary sounded very intruiging, I clicked on this and I really LIKED the idea of Nagas and Lamias (because Snakes are sexy^^). Your Dumbledore was really refreshing, because he wasn't plain evil but rather obsessed with doing what is right no matter the price. But unfortunately I have to agree with LadySybil here: Your story is very badly structured. The first chapter was still okay, but now it slowly getting ridiculous. I mean, HEDWIG POV?! What the hell?!
What I mean to say: You change the perspective WAY(!) too often and chose too many narrators as well. Harry, Snape, Voldemort those I can understand because they seem to be the protagonists. But Poppy, Dumbledore, Hermione, Hedwig?! I mean, a bird?!(By the way, you DO realize that animals don't have the same thinking patterns than humans?)
I just wanted to give you some advise on that. Don't change perspective more than once or twice a chapter. You can't really enjoy a story if you have to adapt to a new narrator every few sentences, (because that's an interruption of the 'flow' no matter how you do it.) Try to avoid explaining the actions of your antagonists (which seems to be Dumbledore) because then your reader's actually get to be surprised when their plans enfold and that would be nice, wouldn't it?
Try to connect the different scenes logically, try to explain the when, where, how of things. For example, how does Poppy meet Voldemort? How does she know where he is, how to contact him. You just said she was in school with but that doesn't really explain why they apparently kept in touch. Why does Ron flirt with Pansy of all people? In which year is Harry? You see, there are still a lot plotholes you need to work on...
Just so you know: I DO think this idea has the potential to be a good fanfiction. You just need to structure it and fleshen it up.
Fruehling
schedule
July 17, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I think that you are doing a great job of keeping pace with the original author's style, and I like the story a lot. I hope there will be more soon! ^_^
schedule
July 17, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I like it. I like where you are taking this, and I can't wait to see where the Lily/Harry connection actually is.... I'm guessing that Harry is more likely the child of James and Sirius rather than James and Lily........
schedule
July 16, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Sigh..... bashie, bashie, bashie makes an extremely bad story.... enough said.
schedule
March 4, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Please please please continue your stories. I keep coming back over and over to see if you've got anymore written. I've been reading on this site for nearly 5 or 6 years now and you're one of the few authors that keeps me coming back. Keep it up.
schedule
February 26, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I hope that you plan to continue this story the idea of both tom and and severus courting harry sounds wonderful. i hope that dumblefuck doesn't screw it up. If you have an update list my email is phyrephreak2008@hotmail.com i would be delighted if you would send me an email for when you update.
schedule
November 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
are you going to continue this soon? I want to read more!
schedule
August 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
nice story!! i can't wait for the update. please let me know when the next chapter is posted. katrinadax@yahoo.com
schedule
July 30, 2009 at 12:00 AM
this is a plot line I've never seen before but I do like it and I hope you update soon.