rate_review Reviews

Chap 6

This is incredibly fast paced (much to the detriment of an otherwise entertaining plot line) and your spelling/grammatical errors are atrocious. Get a beta.

I know that Remus cares for Harry, however, he has to realize that Harry is happy and is not a light wizard as everyone wanted him to be. I do hope that maybe Remus just asks to die so that he can join Harry's parents. I cannot wait to see what happens to the Dursley's and to Dumbledore's plans.

This is really good so far. I am anxious to see if Remus lets Heero know that he told Dumbledore that Harry was missing and if Dumbledore finds Harry before Hogwarts.

I really did want to read this. It sounded like a good plot and all but you have a lot of run on sentences. Also, you use the word "and" way too many times. You should try putting in more detail. So instead of saying "Veuron nodded and took Harry and put him inside the car and he then got around to the drivers side and got in.", perhaps you could have written it, "Not quite agreeing but unable to disagree with his wife, Vernon lifted the toddler seat, strapping it into the back of the car before hefting his overweight frame into the drivers seat."

I think if you took the time to spell check and rewrite it, this plot could be quite good, but it's all so rushed right now.