rate_review Reviews

Good job!!!! :D

It wasn't terrible but it could use some work. The sentences are a bit choppy and you don't need to keep using their personal names in each sentence. Also, go through and make sure all of the sentences are in past tense. Third, in the part "as deep could he go". you need to stick "as" in between deep and could. Also, the story just cuts off. We as the readers don't know what happens after they climax. Write a bit of post-coital story, such as, 'After climaxing, Severus rolled off of Hermione and pulled her close to him. He kissed the top of her head and whispered, "You were amazing love." Hermione nodded sleepily and closed her eyes, resting her head on Severus' chest. "Sleep dear," Severus said, closing his eyes, "no one is going to miss us." They were found later by an inebriated Draco who smirked and turned to his lover. "You owe me." Harry scowled and dragged Draco to their room, to pay his debt.'

That was a great way to celebrate New Year's... too bad the rest of us aren't as lucky as Hermione and do not have the delicious Potions master to occupy our holiday.