rate_review Reviews

Ugh. I can't keep reading this. The opening chapter was pretty good and very interesting. I liked where you started to go with this, but overall you grabbed at too much, too fast and everyone is codependant on each other waaaaayyyy too quickly.



1) I would never believe Anita would accept someone so quickly as she does Caleb for Asher.
2) Everyone's way too cool about Draco being turned into a Leopard.
3) Noone in St. Louis has ever heard of wizards, but they're all accepting of wizards once they're told about it and aren't the least bit concerned about what powers the three from London have or what potential threat this could mean for the city.
4) Snapes discovery of Harry as his son should have been more emotional or at the very least more developed. However I let that one slide since I assumed you were going to focus the story from the Anita Blake books more perhaps so it was more of a set up. However, its only mentioned once and is never gone back into again so it leaves the reader with a rushed feeling.
5) Harry a vampire? AND he has the arduar? C'mon. Draco's a were and now Harry's a vamp. No biggie. Case in point, it should be a very big deal. If anything you should have picked only one of them to transform and become something else. Plus, it Harry now belongs to Belle (who would never chance to go to Illinois in person, btw), there's going to be a big problem with him sticking with JeanClaude's lot.
6) I'm sorry. I didn't even stick around to wait this long but Richard/any male character just does not work for me. The guy's way too straight and borderline homophobic for that to ever go down. I saw you mention the pairing in one of you Author's Notes and that was almost a deal breaker for me right there before proceeding to read chapter two, I think. That logic just does not compute.


Man. I'm forming lists. :/ I'm sorry. I'm stopping now and wishing you the best of luck with your story.
My only advice to you would be step a bit closer to your characters and your plot and bring the readers in with a more introspective look into the characters and how they think and feel. We need more emotion. We need a greater connection.

Also, you've got some really interesting ideas that could be wonderful if you just fleshed them out a little. Slow the pace down a bit and focus on the now. The whole thing reads like a summary rather than a full story.

Good luck!

wow .. im glad there is no hard feeling.. and will draco take the job.. please please update soon .. i would love to read more

angel

Good start of story! I'm all for Draco/Harry and Jean-Claude/Severus with harry becoming a vampire and maybe Jean-Claude being a parental figure with Harry, being protective of him.

I saw some wanting Jean-claude with Harry, I want them together too, please, please.

I'm still for JC/Severus and Draco/Harry

OH i cant wait to see what happens. Update soon. i know you said they would switch off but could you have have be the more submissive one in the Draco/Harry relationship but still switch off. please *bribes author with cookies*

Draco/Harry
Remus/Severus
and sev should be a vampire too.

I think Draco/Harry
JC/Sev
Richard/Remus
should be paired
update soon

It's good so far! I like how you've asked for the reviewer's input into the pairings but haveb only given a choice out of a few. Personally, I always like Harry as the more submissive or bottom. I just feel that he's done so much taking care of people that he should be taken care of in this. I take it we will mostly be seeing Draco and Caleb? Rather than seeing HArry and Severus a lot, or will that change in future chapters? Caleb is a nice origional character, but everything has moved very fast for him with barely a break! I hope things slow down and we see how he's coping with things. Thank you for posting, I can't wait to read more!

I really want a Harry/JC fic. Pretty please?