AFF Fiction Portal

rate_review Reviews

for Time with the Girls

by leekojapo

person Anon
schedule September 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Uh..
Did you ever go to school?
'Hi,' said the outraged english proffesor. 'What in the name of hell made you write such utterly horrid trash?'

You either use 'blablabla' to show the reader that it's dialogue or "blablabla" that.

Without that it's impossible to read the story.
person Lexy Malfoy
schedule September 18, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I'm sorry but I just couldn't read it all.

There's allot of grammatical and punctuation errors. Plus the paragraphs are so close that they are a strain on the eyes. I can't tell when the characters are speaking and when they are doing something. It's good, and has great potention, but try looking over it and placing the proper "" within the fic.