rate_review Reviews

Ok, I don't often leave constructive criticism, as i'm not used to criticising other peoples work. I prefer not to, as i feel like i'm telling them what to do, or telling them something is wrong when i don't mean it to be. So if you think my comments are in any way bad, or make you uncomfortable or make you think you're not doing anything right, please feel free to delete my review. :) After all, it's your story not mine.

Now, ok, i like the first chapter. It's interesting. Confusing at first, obviously as we have to find out what happened to her to see other people differently. For example she sees Madam Pomfrey, but doesn't describe what was different. That's fine. Perhaps Hermione has the idea to go and look for a book to help her figure out what happened, or else waits until she can remember herself what's happened and try to piece it together. Which i see you've done in Chapter 2.

This line,

The interaction was excellent. I liked how you wrote Snape here. Good stuff.

one thing extra, I'll just comment on the end of 3. It does seem a little rushed or out of context that she suddenly wants to kiss him. But as I read your intent, she sees him as being more pure of heart, younger, quite different to the snape they know, and she is very attracted to that. And her guard is down. Well, that's how I read it. I guess I prefer it when it's gradual build up, but it depends on what's coming next. As to the details: all writers improve on that as they go and often betas pick up that sort of stuff. I'm enjoying the premise of this story a lot.

very interesting start!

ok...you've got my attention....more more more!