schedule
November 11, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Don't add any more partners for Harry. Strengthen the relationship you've already stated they formed. Slow down your writing you don't need to cram
8 chapters worth of information into the very first chapter.
How did Harry discover about the weasley's?
When did he and Hermione become a couple?
explain the simple stuff and then start with the story... or if you can explain the simple stuff as you go along; but honestly I felt like i just rode a roller coaster stuck in high-gear when i read this. Don't get me wrong you've got a good concept and lots of information to tell us.... just slow it down. More dialog would help, that would let us get to know your characters.
8 chapters worth of information into the very first chapter.
How did Harry discover about the weasley's?
When did he and Hermione become a couple?
explain the simple stuff and then start with the story... or if you can explain the simple stuff as you go along; but honestly I felt like i just rode a roller coaster stuck in high-gear when i read this. Don't get me wrong you've got a good concept and lots of information to tell us.... just slow it down. More dialog would help, that would let us get to know your characters.
schedule
August 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I think Bella...loved the first chapter xxx please email me when you update xxxx 5/5