rate_review Reviews

What I really hated were your a/ns in the story. Couldn't you just put them at the end or something?

This seems really interesting, but I honestly could not get more than a quarter of the way through it because of all the author's notes. Please stop putting them into the middle of the story, let alone mid sentence. It's incredibly jarring and takes the reader right out of the story. Frankly, it ruined it for me.

Doctor Who.

Is the line from "Torchwood"???? 'Cause that's the only British show I can think of.

This sounds so awesome!
twilight_mouri@yahoo.com

Interesting Concept. I just have one question. How is Hadrian a boy? My logic is having a hard time wrapping around that. Here's why. A woman has two x chromosomes (the things that determine one's sex)while a man has an x and a y chromosome. The mother always gives the child an x chromosome. The "sire" either gives an x or a y(ex: x+x=xx,a girl; x+y=xy,a boy). In the story you imply that Hadrian's "father" is a woman. So unless the wizarding community has some sort of DNA/gene splicing thing going on, logic and common sense is saying that Hadrian is a girl. Other than that, good story.

hmm... a good start. Not really much else to say though the thought of Lily dating Voldie's daughter is a different concept, not to mention the fact that said daughter made a list of things to call her father to annoy him. I am looking forward to reading that bit.

Anyway keep me updated if you can; gypsy_willow90@hotmail.com

Interesting start, can't wait for more!

Good start! The twists you've put in are very interesting. Voldie has a daughter?! Le GASP!

One thing that you might want to fix - the author's notes in the middle of the story are kind of distracting, especially the longer ones. When they're right in the middle, it cuts the reader off and forces them to step outside the story. After a few times, it's hard to get back in to the fictional world since it feels like I'm talking to you as you, instead of you being the narrator and telling me a story. It would be better if you marked those areas with a number or an asterisk, etc. and then left the actual notes for the end.

Hey!
Although a fascinating start I must admit that the use of '( )' are sooo numerous and annoying that I won't be reading another chapter. I suggest putting them in the footnotes...

Cheers!