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August 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Loving it!
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August 11, 2008 at 12:00 AM
harry's back in line. Good to see. And the first date was yum.
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August 11, 2008 at 12:00 AM
More... Severus, please, harder.
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August 5, 2008 at 12:00 AM
good lord all mighty, that was hot,,damn your good...now give me more,,lots more..this is a good story..i really like the length of the chapters. so where did Ron learn a spell that even Harry didnt know???cant wait to read more,...please post more soon,
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August 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
cooking on gas now! Great update....
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August 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Love it!! Im not a fan of Ron & Mione....cant waite for the next chapter
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August 2, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
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July 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
that was great! but i was expecting more hell from hermi and sevvi to harry
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July 27, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hi!
this is my first review.
You have developed an interesting premise to this story and developed it well. Congrats on your first fic! And your grammar etc it really good.
The only bit of con-crit I would like to add is to perhaps watch your dialogue. At times it feels a bit stilted and unnatural. If you go back and read, say, Harry and Hermione and Kingsley -- they kind of all read the same: quite formal. It kinda doesn't feel natural. But, you know what, as you write more that tends to loosen up a bit. So well done! It's a good story thus far!
this is my first review.
You have developed an interesting premise to this story and developed it well. Congrats on your first fic! And your grammar etc it really good.
The only bit of con-crit I would like to add is to perhaps watch your dialogue. At times it feels a bit stilted and unnatural. If you go back and read, say, Harry and Hermione and Kingsley -- they kind of all read the same: quite formal. It kinda doesn't feel natural. But, you know what, as you write more that tends to loosen up a bit. So well done! It's a good story thus far!
schedule
July 27, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Once more, I would like to thank all of you that are taking the time to read and review. Noeby, thank you for pointing out that I need to watch my dialogue...you were correct when you said that it can be formal and stilted. I will try to keep that in mind as I continue writing the story. Thank you for the help, I appreciate it.