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August 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I love this story, when u gonne update
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August 3, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
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July 19, 2008 at 12:00 AM
i love this story i cant wait for the next chapter please update soon it's cool to see a gentle snape
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July 2, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Great story, update soon!
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June 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I'm glad Ron feels remorse and apologised. It would be a shame if their friendship went out the window because of his rash anger. This relationship between Severus and Hermione is moving very fast, but at the same time, you can see why. I thought the conversation between Draco and Severus was a bit bland. They don't seem very close or that they talk often. But it's very sweet and kind of Draco to give Severus his mum's engagement ring. I'm glad he's taking it so well. I wonder what Harry, Ginny, and the rest of everyone will say? I wouldn't be surprised if news traveled fast with all the rumours going on. This is a very nice story so far and please update again soon! =)
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P.S.: You mixed up the words, "except" and "accept." In Chapter 13: Ron says, "...If you're happy with Snape then I just have to except that and be happy for you." It should be "accept" here.
Except (prep): apart from, omit, unless
Accept (v): recieve, consent, take on, believe, put up with
I wouldn't have mentioned it, but I caught this mistake a few times throughout the story and thought you should know...
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P.S.: You mixed up the words, "except" and "accept." In Chapter 13: Ron says, "...If you're happy with Snape then I just have to except that and be happy for you." It should be "accept" here.
Except (prep): apart from, omit, unless
Accept (v): recieve, consent, take on, believe, put up with
I wouldn't have mentioned it, but I caught this mistake a few times throughout the story and thought you should know...
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June 11, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Ok...let me say first that you are improving, the last few chapters were much better. There are still a lot of errors that I think a beta would be able to help you with. Ok...now about the story:
Im not sure Severus would tell Minerva I knocked her up. LOL and why did Mione have lube near her bed if she wasnt having regular sex....shed only been with Sev and Ron right? And in the last chapter you had Draco drinking a wine cooler...then said he choked on his beer...just a little detail ya might wanna check back on.
Keep writing, keep an eye out for missing words though....I think some of the errors are words that either vanished in editing or your brain was working more quickly than your fingers LOL spelling is much better and the formatting is as well. Be very careful about wording. I dont mind out of character, Im an AU/AR OOC author myself, but some of Sev's phrasing is TOO out of character....mind you he is 19 years older than her and a highly educated, very proper wizard...saying 'Baby, lets do it.' just doesnt seem like something he would do.
Dont take this as a flame, I dont do that. I see potential in the story and in your writing, you just need some practice.
Happy Writing!
~SG~
Im not sure Severus would tell Minerva I knocked her up. LOL and why did Mione have lube near her bed if she wasnt having regular sex....shed only been with Sev and Ron right? And in the last chapter you had Draco drinking a wine cooler...then said he choked on his beer...just a little detail ya might wanna check back on.
Keep writing, keep an eye out for missing words though....I think some of the errors are words that either vanished in editing or your brain was working more quickly than your fingers LOL spelling is much better and the formatting is as well. Be very careful about wording. I dont mind out of character, Im an AU/AR OOC author myself, but some of Sev's phrasing is TOO out of character....mind you he is 19 years older than her and a highly educated, very proper wizard...saying 'Baby, lets do it.' just doesnt seem like something he would do.
Dont take this as a flame, I dont do that. I see potential in the story and in your writing, you just need some practice.
Happy Writing!
~SG~
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June 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
well i cant wait tell the next chapter! i came at a great time i have finals! :{ somedays i hate school. well draco took that well and i am undeiced about the ring. good old molly. got her son to think, and hopfully fix his mess. update soon! (i could use another distraction!) :)
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June 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I like it. Please update soon.
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June 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
that chapter was actually very sweet
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June 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I am sort-of enjoying this but there are quite a few errors that spoil it and ruin the flow of the story.
e.g. "I want to have something," he said sitting down on the couch. "My mother gave this to me. It was her engagement ring. She gave it to me so I'd have a ring to give a girl someday but I'd rather buy my own."
I think you meant to say 'I want YOU to have something'.
There are quite a few typo's like this througout your story. It might be a good idea for you to re-read the chpater before you post it or get yourself a good beta.
Other than that, I like it!
e.g. "I want to have something," he said sitting down on the couch. "My mother gave this to me. It was her engagement ring. She gave it to me so I'd have a ring to give a girl someday but I'd rather buy my own."
I think you meant to say 'I want YOU to have something'.
There are quite a few typo's like this througout your story. It might be a good idea for you to re-read the chpater before you post it or get yourself a good beta.
Other than that, I like it!