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schedule
March 29, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I think a sequel of the wedding would be nice...
schedule
March 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
That was lovely to short but really enjoyable reading.Could we have more of lucius and harry please. There are just not enough stories with them as a couple.
schedule
March 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
it was a pretty good story, but it seemed to progress quickly.
For example Harry and Lucius didn't know each other and it quickly progressed to them having sex...now I know you said they were mates, but a story like this should have at least two or three chapters, one for them to find each other (since in this story they didn't know one another), another for them to get to know one another, and finally the piece de resistance the mating. ;).
Also we don't really know anything about Harry, like you gave us a brief description of what he looks like (not that we don't know what he looks like), but how old is he, and how did he come to live with his relatives (how did his parents die).
Don't let this review discourage you, I mean no harm by writing it just to help you improve.
What I do when I write is think about what you've read in other stories and what you'd want to read in a story and put that in your story. (For example I know I'd want to know how old Harry is, so add in with the description: An 18 year old boy with shining emerald green eyes and shoulder length raven locks.)
I hope that this didn't discourage you, like I said above I only wish to help you improve your writing, and help you with something you might not have realized was missing.
I look forward to reading more from you. Keep up the good work. :)
For example Harry and Lucius didn't know each other and it quickly progressed to them having sex...now I know you said they were mates, but a story like this should have at least two or three chapters, one for them to find each other (since in this story they didn't know one another), another for them to get to know one another, and finally the piece de resistance the mating. ;).
Also we don't really know anything about Harry, like you gave us a brief description of what he looks like (not that we don't know what he looks like), but how old is he, and how did he come to live with his relatives (how did his parents die).
Don't let this review discourage you, I mean no harm by writing it just to help you improve.
What I do when I write is think about what you've read in other stories and what you'd want to read in a story and put that in your story. (For example I know I'd want to know how old Harry is, so add in with the description: An 18 year old boy with shining emerald green eyes and shoulder length raven locks.)
I hope that this didn't discourage you, like I said above I only wish to help you improve your writing, and help you with something you might not have realized was missing.
I look forward to reading more from you. Keep up the good work. :)
schedule
March 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Love it.
schedule
March 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
awww that was sweet