rate_review Reviews

Oh that poor girl, sounds like that calming draught really did a number on her lol. The description of her dream was very vivid and I couldn't help but giggle over her musings on Severus, apt though they were. Great job!

Lol that was great! Your oc is fiesty which I think should come in handy. I can't wait to see how she reacts to Severus.

*sings* Cambles chicken noodle possibilities "Mmm-mmm good!" HAHAHAHAHAHHA... anywhooo ya the flow wasnt great but i sense the background and the setup so w/e right? lol thanks for posting!

I think you've made a good start and Maddie seems to be an interesting and intriguing character.

You should proof read your chapters more thoroughly before you post them. Most of your grammar is correct, but there are typos and a few glaring errors that should be corrected if you want people to continue reading and give you reviews. I'm going to give you a couple of examples here, the railroad staion in London is King's Cross Station, you left off Cross. You also need to review what possessive to use and the difference between 'to' and 'too' and when to use which of those words. You should also do that with 'their' 'there' and 'they're'.

You have an interesting plot and an intriguing OFC in Maddie and your story is well worth the effort of fixing these things and a few others others such as making sure your tenses agree, and rewriting a couple of awkwardly written sentences.

I usually send my comments and suggestions about grammar by e-mail because I don't want an author to be upset or embarrassed when I give constructive criticism, but your email is hidden so I have to do it this way. I don't bother to do this unless I think a story has merit and I plan to keep reading it. You should get a beta, that way the beta would find the bits you missed and you can fix them before you post a chapter. I would offer to do that myself, but I am beta reading for 4 authors who are each presently writing a story and I just don't have the time to take on another story and give it my full attention.

Wow! what a promising story, i love your oc... definitely one that id love... most of my oc's are women who can both throw a punch and take one lol anywhooooo i hope you update soon and when ever i notice ill be sure to review... (i hate it when the hit count is high and no one reviews, lazy bums lol)
~LunaSnape

This looks like it's going to be really interesting. Your oc seems really witty and normal compared to some of the oc's I've come across. I think she's just bitter enough to appeal to Severus without seeming too jaded. I'd really like to see where you go with this.

HI! really like this so far, writing and posting as you go along is hard so I hope you'll be able to update regularly.
seems like a good OC, I like a bit of humour and no hints of Mary sueness so far.