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schedule
March 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
2 months early and coming in at 5lb! I was 2 months early and was 3lb 3oz. 5lb is a bit big for a premature baby!
schedule
March 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Your Story is great ! I really enjoyed it. Just one little thing though. In chapter 15 you said that the Marriage Law was REPELLED, it really should say REPEALED. Repelled is to throw off something, like a raincoat repels rain. To Repeal is to stop or disolve a law. Hope this helps. Keep on writing.
schedule
March 8, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Terrific!
schedule
March 8, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Aww! What a cute, sweet, fun story. I was worried at the end there, but I'm so glad that Hermione made it. Thank you for sharing it!
schedule
March 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
You know i really really loved your story, but i was a bit dissappointed at the end. it felt like you were rushing through it to get it finished asap.
Still a very nice story, thanks for sharing
jocy
Still a very nice story, thanks for sharing
jocy
schedule
March 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
jamie Hynamen... well at least it wasnt adam savage lol. Loved the story
schedule
March 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
That was a wonderful story. I am glad that Hermione survived and went on to have a second child.
schedule
March 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I really loved this. Just like all of you stroies. I hpe you write some more.
schedule
March 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I am a bit confused. I thought that they were going to do a c-section if the organs were developed enough. This is a quick proceedure, especially in emergencies. But, you write as if they induced natural child birth. It doesn't make sense.
Also, the organs couldn't be "completely developed" at that age. They could be mostly developed, that with help the baby would live, but you seem to write it as if everything will be fine.
Last, the baby is VERY big at that young gestation. At that size, the baby would have weighed well over 10 pounds at birth!
Now, while it might sound as if this is a "flame" review, it isn't really. I am enjoying this story. Yes, sometimes Severus sound too mushy to be Severus, but that is easy to overlook. You have been writing a very enjoyable story! The above are just some technical things, that can be easily fixed. Pat yourself on the back for a good story!
Also, the organs couldn't be "completely developed" at that age. They could be mostly developed, that with help the baby would live, but you seem to write it as if everything will be fine.
Last, the baby is VERY big at that young gestation. At that size, the baby would have weighed well over 10 pounds at birth!
Now, while it might sound as if this is a "flame" review, it isn't really. I am enjoying this story. Yes, sometimes Severus sound too mushy to be Severus, but that is easy to overlook. You have been writing a very enjoyable story! The above are just some technical things, that can be easily fixed. Pat yourself on the back for a good story!
schedule
March 6, 2008 at 12:00 AM
You've got a good idea but your characters are very shallow. You need to take a little more time and develop their characters instead of just doing a surface plot. Keep going, you have potential.