schedule
February 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapters 1-2: This may have started out as a one-shot, but it feels like more. I think the reason is that Snape, for all he's reclusive and bitter, seems more the type to want some kind of real relationship rather than truly enjoying a one-off shag. He was quite willing to merely sleep in the same bed as Rose - it was she who initiated things and made him feel she really wanted him.
He returns the next day which also gives a strong indication he is interested in her. I liked the way she turned off his worries over his lack of attractiveness. That would work better for him than fulsome compliments - she can save those for our vain blond wizard.
It looks like a line is forming to measure Lucius' inseam - even though he is apparently a self-centered git in your story, he does have that effect on women. Okay, okay, yes including me **waving from the end of the line patiently awaiting my turn at those trousers**.
Go Snape! Two shags in two chapters. Is he kind and benevolent under his remote attitude or does he also have a few fetishes Rose will experience in possible later chapters.
Does the addition of Lucius signal any plot twists involving the dangerous Death Eaters? I'm just as happy to only follow the exploits of our earnest, perky, Snapestruck young woman as she slowly hauls in our dark wizard. Shag by shag by shag.
This story is very cute and amazingly, you've been able to believably bring Rose into Snape's sexual orbit in one chapter. Emphasis on 'believably'. Very nicely done!
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I do second Shez's suggestion of breaking up your paragraphs more. I think you do have paragraphs,but they aren't showing up online. With Microsoft Word you need to put TWO lines between paragraphs to make ONE line of space on AFF. Try it. 8-)
He returns the next day which also gives a strong indication he is interested in her. I liked the way she turned off his worries over his lack of attractiveness. That would work better for him than fulsome compliments - she can save those for our vain blond wizard.
It looks like a line is forming to measure Lucius' inseam - even though he is apparently a self-centered git in your story, he does have that effect on women. Okay, okay, yes including me **waving from the end of the line patiently awaiting my turn at those trousers**.
Go Snape! Two shags in two chapters. Is he kind and benevolent under his remote attitude or does he also have a few fetishes Rose will experience in possible later chapters.
Does the addition of Lucius signal any plot twists involving the dangerous Death Eaters? I'm just as happy to only follow the exploits of our earnest, perky, Snapestruck young woman as she slowly hauls in our dark wizard. Shag by shag by shag.
This story is very cute and amazingly, you've been able to believably bring Rose into Snape's sexual orbit in one chapter. Emphasis on 'believably'. Very nicely done!
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I do second Shez's suggestion of breaking up your paragraphs more. I think you do have paragraphs,but they aren't showing up online. With Microsoft Word you need to put TWO lines between paragraphs to make ONE line of space on AFF. Try it. 8-)
schedule
February 12, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 1
Yay, I finally made it over here to read this. I have been meaning too for awhile. And now I see you have updated
Yay, I finally made it over here to read this. I have been meaning too for awhile. And now I see you have updated
schedule
February 12, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 2
Hahaha
Hahaha
schedule
February 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Ha ha, she gets to measure Lucius' inside leg AND shag Snape on his robe fabric. How much better can a girl's day be?
I do think you write gorgeous smut; it's funny how once you start, you have to write more...and more...and yet more! (I hope, anyway)
I do think you write gorgeous smut; it's funny how once you start, you have to write more...and more...and yet more! (I hope, anyway)
schedule
January 24, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Yay, forced to share a bed with a willing woman - I love that set-up. And I do like how she had shown she was on his side by sticking up for him against Sirius, so it was not just a total 'Oh, we were sharing a bed so we thought 'Why not have sex?'' type thing. I think somebody sticking up for him in an argument would have a profound effect on Sev, especially a pretty girl.
Lovely smut too; graphic enough to be able to imagine watching it (or experiencing it even), and not at all tacky (like me, lol).
If I had any constructive criticism to make, it would be to add more paragraph breaks; those long sections of unbroken text can be off-putting. Other than that, I loved it xx.
Lovely smut too; graphic enough to be able to imagine watching it (or experiencing it even), and not at all tacky (like me, lol).
If I had any constructive criticism to make, it would be to add more paragraph breaks; those long sections of unbroken text can be off-putting. Other than that, I loved it xx.