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August 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
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May 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Oki dokey, I noticed some spelling/grammar errors in your story, but if you got a beta reader those would be easy to clean up.
What I would have liked to see is more time spent in explaining their emotions and relationship while Hermione was living with Snape. I find you kind of skip over things, well you leave out juicey details that can really make a story. I've noticed though, that you seem to be improving which is a bonus.
Keep up the good work and keep improving!
Q C
What I would have liked to see is more time spent in explaining their emotions and relationship while Hermione was living with Snape. I find you kind of skip over things, well you leave out juicey details that can really make a story. I've noticed though, that you seem to be improving which is a bonus.
Keep up the good work and keep improving!
Q C
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May 22, 2008 at 12:00 AM
yei, you're back =D
im soo glad =)
ohh wonder what will happen next!
im soo glad =)
ohh wonder what will happen next!
schedule
May 22, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Another great chapter. I hope that Severus will be able to find Hermione soon. I can't wait to read more soon.
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May 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I knew it would be good when I read the chapter title!
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May 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This story is a rather good one, but it seems that you got tired of dragging it out which might have lessened it's good-ness. I find that hard to do myself so I especially appriciate it when an author takes his/her time leading up to the sex. I honestly thought that during the night in the kitchen, once she said "Severus" he was going to be shocked back to his senses and stop. It seems like he suddenly made the decision to throw all caution to the wind and break school rules (and perhaps wizarding law depending on Hermione's age at the time or if they prohibit student/teacher relationships) by sleeping with her without a significant reason. Then how he changed back into the git that he origionally was seemed very random. I believe that if there is just a 'Snape remenising' chapter explaining his thought process leading up to these actions, the story could be greatly added to. I also thought that Severus and Hermione had been having sex on multiple occasions before he raped her, so I was a tad bit confused when on her walk around the lake she mentioned that they had sex only two times. I might just be mistaken, but perhaps that could be made clearer to future readers.
As for any suggestions on where this story could go, I agree with plenty of the other reviewers that Hermione should become pregnant. She hasn't been using contraceptive spells or anything of that kind at all during the story, so it makes great sense that she would be pregnant. Plus with how you've had her loosing her appatite in the mornings, it would fit in rather well that she has morning sickness due to pregnancy. The way that I believe would be best for this fact to become known is if Hermione throws-up and faints while outside with Ginny who then takes her to Madame Pomfrey. Pomfrey would discover that Hermione is pregnant and inform her of such, not getting too involoved herself, seeing as she would have the experience to understand the need for privacy on the subject and simply offer her help with deciding what to do with the situation. Hermione should then, after thinkly deeply and frighteningly (she's still in school and now pregnant with her professor's child for good sakes!) about her new situation, come to the 'realization' that Snape must have been using her to achieve an heir (what with him being a spy who can die at any time) and that was why he continued to have sex with her, including the raping, after he seemed to not have any interest in her as a person. He could then come to her again (whether for sex or something else) and she will be under the impression that he is going to rape her again. Hermione will then proceede to tell him that he already got what he wanted out of her, to just leave her alone, and that she doesn't want to have either herself or him to have anything to do with the baby after it is born. Severus will obviously be confused beyond all hell before her mention of a child and believe that she is only meaning the sex by getting what he wants. She will have run from him in his shock of finding out that she is pregnant and he won't be able to catch her in time.
However, if it doesn't seem that Hermione will be back at Hogwarts any time soon, she could become sick herself in a dungeon or something of the like, and then come to the revelation that she might be pregnant and check herself with a wandless spell of some sort. Then Snape could come to check on her and you could proceede with her telling him that she's pregnant in the way mentioned above, or telling him such because he enters the room soon after she finds out and she lets him know in her horriffied state of mind. Then Severus would do whatever he could to save the child, lying through his teeth to Voldie to get her to safety and then realizing his love for her in the meantime if she is forced to fight. Perhpas even forbidding her to fight during an Order meeting should she escape, causing an uproar from her and the pregnancy could slip out.
Whatever you do, I would love for the two to have a happy ending even if only a small one where they admit their love to eachother in some form and get married and other such fluff ^_^
Sorry for the long review, I tend to type too much sometimes ^_^;;
As for any suggestions on where this story could go, I agree with plenty of the other reviewers that Hermione should become pregnant. She hasn't been using contraceptive spells or anything of that kind at all during the story, so it makes great sense that she would be pregnant. Plus with how you've had her loosing her appatite in the mornings, it would fit in rather well that she has morning sickness due to pregnancy. The way that I believe would be best for this fact to become known is if Hermione throws-up and faints while outside with Ginny who then takes her to Madame Pomfrey. Pomfrey would discover that Hermione is pregnant and inform her of such, not getting too involoved herself, seeing as she would have the experience to understand the need for privacy on the subject and simply offer her help with deciding what to do with the situation. Hermione should then, after thinkly deeply and frighteningly (she's still in school and now pregnant with her professor's child for good sakes!) about her new situation, come to the 'realization' that Snape must have been using her to achieve an heir (what with him being a spy who can die at any time) and that was why he continued to have sex with her, including the raping, after he seemed to not have any interest in her as a person. He could then come to her again (whether for sex or something else) and she will be under the impression that he is going to rape her again. Hermione will then proceede to tell him that he already got what he wanted out of her, to just leave her alone, and that she doesn't want to have either herself or him to have anything to do with the baby after it is born. Severus will obviously be confused beyond all hell before her mention of a child and believe that she is only meaning the sex by getting what he wants. She will have run from him in his shock of finding out that she is pregnant and he won't be able to catch her in time.
However, if it doesn't seem that Hermione will be back at Hogwarts any time soon, she could become sick herself in a dungeon or something of the like, and then come to the revelation that she might be pregnant and check herself with a wandless spell of some sort. Then Snape could come to check on her and you could proceede with her telling him that she's pregnant in the way mentioned above, or telling him such because he enters the room soon after she finds out and she lets him know in her horriffied state of mind. Then Severus would do whatever he could to save the child, lying through his teeth to Voldie to get her to safety and then realizing his love for her in the meantime if she is forced to fight. Perhpas even forbidding her to fight during an Order meeting should she escape, causing an uproar from her and the pregnancy could slip out.
Whatever you do, I would love for the two to have a happy ending even if only a small one where they admit their love to eachother in some form and get married and other such fluff ^_^
Sorry for the long review, I tend to type too much sometimes ^_^;;
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May 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Welcome back! It was worth the wait.
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May 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Another excellent chapter. I look forward to reading more soon to see what happens. I hope that Hermione will be alright and that if she is taken away by this person that she will be rescued soon.
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May 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Oh I can't beleive you left it at that!
Maaaaaaaaan what a cliffie! I can't wait to see what happens and who the said death eater is! I have a suspicion but you never know I could be wrong!
Please update me via email when you post the next and future chappies (My email is in my profile)
Well done for such a fantastic fic!
Maaaaaaaaan what a cliffie! I can't wait to see what happens and who the said death eater is! I have a suspicion but you never know I could be wrong!
Please update me via email when you post the next and future chappies (My email is in my profile)
Well done for such a fantastic fic!
schedule
March 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I don't know that I can give any good advice about where to go with this, but I've liked what I've read so far. I'm not entirely certain why Severus has gotten so angry of late, but explaining that could be a good jumping off point for another chapter....